For the past year, I've been going to the gym and have gained body changes and strength.

My husband has a successful career working long hours in the office, but is sedentary. While not fit, he’s not overweight, and is a couple of inches taller than me.

Last weekend, he joined two of my girlfriends and me at a picnic in the park. One girlfriend was complimenting my toned arms, saying that I was probably the strongest of all of us.

Next thing we’re arm-wrestling at the park bench. I triumphed over my girlfriends then had to arm-wrestle my husband.

Competitive woman that I am, after about 10 seconds I had his hand firmly pinned down to the cheers of my friends.

I have to say I relished my victory, though my husband was embarrassed.

Next, we’re both asked to flex and while my bicep stood up to attention, his only slightly responded. I noticed how sheepish he looked.

Now he’s very touchy about it and isn’t so keen being with the girls and me again.

I realize that while he has status in his office, he was dominated by his wife in a test of strength, and finds that hard to accept.

I’m proud of my new athletic body and my physical prowess.

What should I/he do to manage his bruised ego?

Sensitive in Sydney

The answers are easy, but they require some thoughtfulness on your part.

1. Let time heal his wounded pride, and then encourage him to fit in some fitness time for his own well being. Remind him that it’s key to staying healthy, withstanding stress, and maintaining energy for his demanding career.
2. Do not again allow your friends to goad you into any situations that you know will embarrass your husband.
3. Recognize not just how that uncomfortable scene affected him, but what it said about you.

It’s fine to be a competitive person where that’s appropriate. But besting your husband unnecessarily, in public, purposefully, is just showing off. And demeaning to him.

Let any competition in this area develop naturally once he’s pursuing fitness, too.

My cousin constantly blames his sister for their lack of relationship. He accepts no responsibility.

From the stories he tells me, both are at fault.

But he feels justified for holding onto his animosity towards her.

I know his sister. She’s come to peace with the lack of relationship because she found her brother very draining. It was always about him (true).

She says nothing negative about him and when asked, just says they’re not close.

Recently, he said he reached out to her to talk, but he doesn’t want anyone to know…. our cousins, aunts/uncles, etc.

He told me his sister was upset when he asked her to lie about them speaking.

She refused, saying she won’t lie for him.

I probed, but he’ll only say that he doesn’t want anyone to know he talks to her.

Then, he went on another tirade against her. He said the only way he’ll consider talking to her is if she reaches out to him on his terms.

What do I do or say?

Disgusted

It’s unclear what kind of relationship you have with him and why. His behaviour is ugly, his manner self-serving, and you don’t respect him a lot.

So why even listen to his tirades? He’s a mean-spirited person who’s unlikely to change.

If your interest is in family connections, stay close to his sister instead. She needs the support.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who’s fed up with “no-shows “ for her dinner invitations (Jan. 14):

Reader – “One of the main problems I see in society today is lack of responsibility. People want to blame someone else for their lack of courtesy or responsibility.

“It has nothing to do with the busy aspect of life.

“I see this constantly in young adults who have been raised by parents who’ve coddled them, and blamed everyone but themselves for the events in their lives.

“People are as busy as they want to be. I see the wasted time on addiction to social media and cell phones.

“I’m in total agreement with your writer. No explanation or apology? Come on….”

Ellie – It’s not usually “young people” who get invited to dinner parties.

For mid-life “busy” people, an email reminder closer to the date usually brings a response in time.

Since this writer says no-shows happen often, she needs a strategy…. or new friends.