I'm 20, and have a child with a girl my same age, but she left me when our daughter was eight months old. I was very hurt and upset.
Throughout our relationship she was controlling and manipulative, and had cheated on me. It wasn’t all bad, but the bad times stick out the most.
She says she's changed and is begging for me to come back.
My family and friends think it’s a bad idea, but I have mixed feelings. I'm not sure what to do.
You both need help growing up and growing together, for this relationship to work. But it’s worth making every effort, since you both have responsibilities towards your child.
This is no longer about past behaviour, when you were both teenagers; so, ask your family and friends to be more supportive as you two take steps to learn what it means to be a family.
Go to marriage counselling together. Ask for strategies to co-operate and compromise on sharing a household, expenses, chores, and child care. Focus on developing a way to communicate whereby she doesn’t feel a need to control or manipulate you to get what she wants. Examine how you may’ve contributed to the problems, so you can change your patterns, too.
• In Toronto, call 211 to reach a local community agency which can refer you for affordable marriage counselling.
Is it wrong to date a friend’s ex?
It was only physical with them, but with me, he wants to spend time, like going to movies and dinner. We haven’t even talked about sex. It’s like he has so much more respect for me than he did for her.
She’s since moved on, gotten married and had a baby. I don’t think she thinks about him anymore.
We met up by chance: we were at the same club one night and just started to talk. What should I do?
- Ex or Pal
Though dating a friend’s ex is usually a no-no, there are circumstances and time factors that call for negotiation. In your case, it appears their “dating” was so long ago, she’s likely well over him. Also, the fact you met accidentally shows that neither of you sought out each other.
However, a good friend still clears the air. If you’re close with your pal, let her know you’ve bumped into her ex and it feels like something could happen between you two; you’d like to know her feelings about that. After her response, it’s your move.
If she’s annoyed or hurt, you have to decide how interested you are in the guy and whether he’s worth it for you to possibly lose the friendship.
I'm in Grade 8, and there’s a girl I've known since last year, but we weren’t close.
At the start of this year, we sat together in art classes, and she became quite clingy. She went around telling everyone that we were best friends, but I wasn't even sure I wanted to be friends with her! She was in my other friends’ homeroom, and worked with them on projects, so the four of us became close... sort of.
I still acted like this girl's friend, and when she was sad about a guy or something, I’d tell her that she had lots of friends, and that she was pretty and unique.
Inside, I can't wait to move to high school so we can separate. The worse part is, I acted like her best friend when other people were around. How selfish is that?
Now, she and my other friends are in a bit of a fight over ditching me, I think. They aren't that close any more. She’s still clinging to me. I don't know how I could have been such an idiot.
You’ve learned a strong lesson just in time for turning things around in high school. Pretending a false friendship hurts two people – the one that’s later rejected, and you, for looking bad to other friends, too.
Don’t try to win the others back by being rude to this girl. They’ll respect you more if you say you didn’t feel right just being cold to another person who needed a friend.
Now, think about starting fresh next year with an open mind but honest response to new students whom you meet. Don’t let any one person or group, rule all your choices.
Tip of the day:
The work of maturing from a teenage romance to a responsible child-rearing couple often needs guidance.