My husband’s sister has a three-and-a-half year old son with a dead beat, drug-addict father who has no job and doesn’t care for his child.
       She relies on my aging in-laws to help care for him. She works two jobs but has failed to provide a stable loving home. The child is constantly bounced from my in-laws, to his other grandparents and my sister-in-law’s friend’s homes every day.
       She continues to make poor choices. Her boyfriend went to rehab for one month but relapsed. My sister-in-law had decided to leave him if he relapsed, but I’m not sure she’ll follow through. Worse, she’s pregnant again.
       She needs a concrete plan both short- and long-term to ensure she’ll bring up these children with the best life possible. As loving parents ourselves, how can we help her realize that she needs to get this man out of her life? And if she doesn’t make a drastic life change she’ll never be financially or emotionally stable to care for these kids properly?
       Whenever we try to steer her in the right direction she says she knows what she’s doing is wrong, but it’s her life. She calls to vent, but doesn’t want our feedback. She’s embarrassed because we have our own home, loving relationship and a stable caring environment for our child.
      -Worried

Just “worrying” isn’t helping anyone. You mention nothing concrete to help his sister gain confidence to do better with her life. I’m not blaming you two for her poor choices, just noting that your much longer letter was all about how YOU TWO feel.
       Few people make drastic life changes when there’s more criticism than encouragement….especially when your advice sounds smug about your own “stable caring environment.”
       Consider helping: e.g. paying for your in-laws to have a babysitter there, to save their energies while providing the child one stable place to reside (short-term plan). Or your husband helping his sister out financially while urging her to dump the deadbeat.
       Or he could pay for her to get counselling to boost her self-esteem, so she can take better charge of her life (long-term plan).

I’m the single mother of a girl, 14; we’ve always lived with my mother who died six months ago. My older brother is executor, but the estate hasn’t yet been settled. I receive harassing mail and phone calls from bill collectors.
       I took the death certificate to the bank to close Mom’s account, but failed as I’m not the executor. Companies are still withdrawing money.
       When ill, Mom requested I do her banking, not realizing it made me responsible for the overdraft. Now my brother’s written me, relinquishing his executor duties to me.
       What can I do about the bank account? Can he just hand over being executor? I can’t pay a lawyer thousands of dollars.
      -Desperate

You do need legal and financial advice, quickly. First, Google the estate laws in your jurisdiction to get more informed. There will likely have to be a legal document that passes on the executor role, but this should be a simple, inexpensive matter once you show a lawyer your brother’s letter and he’s contacted.
        Then go to your bank manager and ask for help. You may need a line of credit for paying these ongoing bills, but when the estate is finally settled – it can take several months still – you’ll likely be able to clear up the debt through whatever you inherit.

I’m a widow, 74, with four married daughters. I feel and look a lot younger. I’m a church-goer but find it hard to walk back and forth to services.
       Is there anyway I could meet someone with whom to be romantically involved, someone to help me be myself?
      -Lonely

Getting out to end loneliness and isolation is a must for you to be yourself; and it’s essential to your being available for someone to meet and appreciate you. By contrast, this is NOT the time to try to meet someone through the Internet because when you’re desperate to meet someone, you’re too vulnerable to be properly selective as to someone’s character and real intentions.
        Your church and your daughters can help you connect with ongoing transportation to church-based and community gatherings, and/or seniors’ clubs. That’s where you’re most likely to widen your network of friends and potential partners to get to know.