I’m a father of two teenage girls. I caught my wife cheating, and then discovered that she’d also cheated previously, with two other men at the same time.
She apologized, seemed remorseful. We both agreed that we had problems we didn’t discuss (being open about sex, our feelings, etc.)
Then I later found a text to the last guy she was cheating with. They were sleeping with each other again. They even had an explicit photo shoot in my house.
Again, she promised me it was all a mistake.
I try to be more open with my feelings, and initiate sex more. But she recently put a password on her cell phone.
She only went with me to counselling once. I’ve gone in the past. I know now that I’m a pleaser and am trying to change.
I don’t know if there’s hope. Do I give her an ultimatum about counselling and full access to her email, phone, etc.? Make her promise she’ll never contact this last guy ever again?
She’s beyond promises.
See a lawyer privately, and get informed as to how a separation and joint involvement with your daughters would work practically, and financially.
Then tell her those facts. Say that’s where she’s headed. Say you’ll only not proceed if she goes to counselling with you, and opens up all her technology.
A dose of hard-core realism is what’s needed now. Your daughters will need counselling, too.
I’m 22, and have never fallen in love. I had a two-year relationship from age 17. In the second year, I moved three hours away for university.
It was a mediocre relationship, he lied to me constantly, but I was very naïve.
It ended with him cheating on me and we broke up.
Since then I’ve not dated anyone. I've gotten over the bad experience, which taught me more about myself, and I toughened up.
Now I keep attracting men who ask me out, or try to have flings with me. I meet these people expecting friendship, yet they never expect the same even when I make myself clear.
I reject them politely and then they walk out of my life. It makes me more adamant to stay single because of their insincerity (as in, How can they say they love me if they don't want to be my friend?).
Am I worth so little that if someone can't have my body or use me as an emotional crutch, he doesn’t want me in his life?
It’s becoming ridiculously frequent.
Desperate for Advice
I wonder if you’re as clear as you think about wanting friendship. Or, do you lack trust so much you don’t give a guy a chance? Someone “asking you out” doesn’t necessarily mean he only wants sex.
If someone asks right off for “a fling,” that’s different, and it’s unlikely you’d want that person for a friend, anyway.
But when “dating,” it’s up to you to say you’re interested in getting to know that person as a friend, “and then we can see where it goes.”
If, in that case, every guy you meet wants more, you need to question what kind of guys you’re meeting and where. I’m not blaming you, just saying you need to look at this from several angles.
Yes, you were hurt in your first relationship. Most people have been hurt once, or more, in romantic relationships.
To let that cloud your judgment on all others, is to hurt yourself.
I’m in sixth grade and I was told that three boys like me. Two of them are good friends of mine and one of their brothers believes it!
I feel really ugly and I’m around 50 pounds overweight so I wonder why they like me? I’m a disaster.
You’re 11 or 12 years old, and I’ve published your email not only to try to help you, but because parents and teachers need to realize how emotionally tough even the adolescent years can be.
Maybe the boys like you because you’re a nice person and smart. I’m sure you’re not “ugly” – few people are - but you’re self-image is sadly low. Even if you’re overweight, it’s something you can work on with your parents’ help, in a healthy way, but NOT by excessive dieting.
Talk to your family; you need their encouragement for the person you really are - loved and valued by them.
Tip of the day:
Repeated cheating calls for a reality check about the consequences for the whole family.