I've been with my girlfriend for over ten years. I’ve always been faithful even though she’s convinced otherwise. We have four kids together. She’s 30, and I’m 36.

Two years ago, she started talking to a guy on Facebook, which led to texting or sexting. Photos and all. She still won't completely admit to it even though I’ve seen some messages and photos.

She was ready to pack up the kids and move far away to be with him! We had a little counselling, but it wasn't really our thing. Anyway, we got through it and things were getting better between us. Until about a week ago.

She put a pass code on her phone and is always texting her "girlfriend." I was suspicious. I found an email on her computer with photos of a new guy.

What do I do here? I’m afraid to come right out and confront her as she may just leave. She’s hinting about taking a road trip in the near future, which of course would be to see this guy. I love her with all my heart and our kids, too.

Other than these two incidents I have no reason to believe she has ever cheated on me. Also, she’s never actually met these guys. I know this new guy also lives far away.

I don't want to leave her but how do I trust her? I can't eat or sleep and it's breaking my heart. I can't go through this again.

Distraught

Read your own words… it’s fear that’s holding you from dealing with an ongoing problem in your marriage, but the problem itself may one day cause the same result of a break-up.

You say counselling’s “not your thing,” but obviously, neither is having an open, caring talk about why she’s looking for outside excitement.

Take your pick:

In counselling – each of you on your own could be a good start - a professional can help probe what’s driving her, what’s needed in the marriage, what each of you has to do to stay trusting and faithful.

In open discussion, you don’t have to confront, you can listen, care, and show compassion for her loneliness, escapism, whatever. She hopefully can hear your frustration, hurt, fears for the kids.

Doing nothing and stewing about it is not a solution… but it’ll drive one of you to doing something you both may regret.

Get pro-active and try dealing with what’s going on. She doesn’t have to confess. You show her the pictures, you both cry, and then TALK.

My fiancé travels a lot, for a couple of weeks at a time. There are always women involved in his work projects. He says he’d never cheat, but I know that out-of-town, short-lived affairs are common in his very pressured field.

I mostly care about Sexually Transmitted Diseases and that he doesn’t fall in love. Am I too accepting?

Unsure

You currently have a practical view… you trust him, know risks, and just don’t want your health or deepest emotions compromised.

You may be less accepting in time, if you have kids, nor have time for yourself as he does. You may also feel more vulnerable after investing time and effort in the marriage.

Use this confident period, now, to talk to him about what you expect (and give in return) regarding loyalty, honesty, respect, etc. Longstanding marriages always face some challenges, and the risk of outside influences, as well as internal pressures. Keep having the connecting conversations, from time to time.

I dislike a couple whom my close friend likes a lot. She and her husband are generous hosts who frequently invite us to their home, along with this couple.

The husband’s a conversational bully – he’s opinionated, rigid, arrogant, and argumentative. The wife’s quietly long-suffering and just lets him hold forth.

Our hostess sees only the “good old days” of their friendship and is surprised when I decline to join the other two.

How do I maintain the friendship when she keeps including a man whose manner and statements upset me?

Awkward

Be direct, but not insulting, about her own friendship with this man. Return the generosity and invite your friend and husband to your place or out together.

When she includes you at her place, ask if more are coming besides those two. Go when there’s a group, not when that couple are the only other guests.