I’m in an unhappy marriage but determined to stay given that we have young children. For two years, I’ve been infatuated with a colleague. We’d become close friends, but the more time I spend with her, the deeper my feelings. She’s not aware of how I feel and I don’t want her to know.
To focus on my family I’ve had to sever my platonic relationship with her. This pains me, but I don’t see any other way, if I’m to purge my affection for her and preserve my family situation.

- Trapped

Drama rarely eases an emotional situation; here, it’s bound to lead to troubled questions, tortured confessions, and turbulent relationships with both your friend and your wife. Go with honesty and logic instead.
Tell your wife that the marriage needs fresh approaches from both of you, to acknowledge and work on issues (if you’re unhappy and have been spending more time with your colleague, she knows something’s wrong; commit to couples’ counselling together and bring an open mind, not resignation.
Tell your co-worker you’ve become busier and less involved with her due to a need to immerse yourself in family life, becomes it’s your priority. She’ll understand the message, which is kinder and less ambiguous than silent distancing.

I’m so tired of all these young controlling people, who prevent grandparents’ (particularly grandmothers’) regular visits with grandchildren. Don’t they realize that grandparents have the disposable income to afford to spoil their grandchildren, and all they really want is to spend some time with their grandkids? What do they gain from not allowing the visits?
I have to call every week just to check if it’s convenient to visit; often it gets cancelled because the mother and child had a bad night. Don’t they realize that grandmas can help out so the mother could nap?
Is it unreasonable to have a set visiting date without making an appointment weekly?
Maybe this is the only power the young mothers think they have over in-laws.

- Annoyed

Whoa, Grandma, get off your soapbox and look around: there’s a huge swath of moms out there, doing a devoted job of raising their children during times that are demanding in myriad ways, and they don’t also need to deal with ranting critics.
Moreover, you’re tainting many with the brush that comes from your own case – a grandma who wants to “spoil” grandchildren, wave your cheque-book, and ignore the immediate personal needs of a mom and her children. No wonder she tries to schedule you!
The many great and much-appreciated grandmothers I know and hear about, offer to help as they can, wherever and whenever the moms most need them. They respect the parents’ rules regarding indulgence and discipline of their kids; if they want to do something special, they discuss it with the parents beforehand.
Undoubtedly, you were a strong-minded parent yourself, so show some understanding and respect for your daughter or - I’m betting - your daughter-in-law’s efforts, and your visits and interest will be far more welcome.

My son goes to a private school where one of the other children is accompanied by a bodyguard. Should I be worried that my son’s therefore at risk around that boy?

- Shocked

Inquire why he’s being guarded. Speak to school officials about it. If left unanswered, find out if other parents are concerned and possibly provide a petition asking the school board.
Ultimately, you may want to switch schools.

My boyfriend of two years is the most unromantic person and doesn’t show his feelings. We’ve fought about it.
There are only occasional movies, or walks (interrupted by business calls). He loves me, but he was raised traditionally; I’m from the same background but brought up in Westernized society.
Previously, I had a very romantic relationship that turned into bouts of physical abuse followed by pampering. I feel safe now, but miss the romance.
How can I have both? I fear this is going to have me walking away.

- Unromanced

The fact you even romanticize your last terrible relationship shows a worrying leftover of an abused person’s syndrome.
“Make-up pampering” isn’t love, it’s the precursor to more violence.
Help this boyfriend who loves you to learn the benefits of shared feelings. YOU be romantic – give him time to unwind after work light candles at dinner, rent movies, be understanding when business intervenes. He’s worth it.