I'm a post-graduate student with debt, a contract job, and living with roommates. My boyfriend of two years has been dealing with depression. He's unable to work, so we can't live together, but if I could afford to, I'd cover his living costs.

He receives disability payments for his prescription medications, but seems stuck in a vicious cycle over money and family situations.

His widowed mother is supporting four sons at home (three are over 20!), and also feeding two of their girlfriends who're squatting there. There's tension between the boys, financial havoc, and stress to my boyfriend from it all.

The boys give her a hard time when she asks for rent, so she stopped. Yet she asks for my boyfriend's disability money, he pays for rent, food, her other bills, etc. It's making his depression worse. I've also had to lend him money for his medications.

His brothers have jobs but spend on themselves or their girlfriends. Their mom threatens to leave or kick people out but never follows through. She's afraid she'll ruin her relationship with her sons.

How can this situation get better? What should the mom do? What should my boyfriend do? Should he stay or move out with me?

Chaotic Situation

Take a clear look at your own position in this family's mess. By lending your boyfriend money for his medication, you're effectively helping him continue what's troubling him at home. He pays Mom, and she continues to indulge her freeloaders, and your guy's stress persists.

His mother is, for whatever reasons, weak-willed, lacking the resolve to insist her sons be responsible, living as a doormat in her own home.

Be careful you don't fall into any pattern of "rescuer" that comes even close.

Your boyfriend should leave these "users" to their own devices. He should move in with you, BUT ONLY IF you truly believe you love each other and are not just co-dependents of a lesser kind than his siblings and mom.

Otherwise, he should just move out on his own, wherever he can afford. He needs to focus on getting well, and having his own life. The others will sort themselves out when they don't have a fall guy to rely on. You need to stop being sucked into their opportunistic drama.

A close friend's boyfriend is verbally and, once, physically abusive. He's unemployed, drug- and alcohol-addicted. She's previously dated emotionally abusive men. She believes she's " too ugly and stupid," getting older (25), and won't find someone better.

I've suggested she see a therapist, even threatened to call police if he strikes her again. After being rough with her, he destroyed her things. She asked me to ensure she never dated those types again. I was sick when she said he apologized and they were dating again. She believes she can change him if they marry.

Soul Sick

Stay connected in case of further danger, but back off from being her caretaker. Yes, she has terribly low self-esteem and needs counselling. But she currently has you to soften her life, to be caring and soothing so she can go on with the same self-delusion about bad guys and the same self-loathing that makes them acceptable.

Back off, with explanation: You care deeply but only she can change her life, and she needs to recognize that on her own. Then, give her the name of an accessible therapist, even promise to go to the first appointment with her (only that one).

I like dogs, have had several in my life and took great care of them over the years. But I find that people who treat their dogs as their "children" are insensitive about other people's homes and lifestyles.

Recently, an old friend moved nearby and is constantly visiting me with her "baby" in tow. She brings him in the house when his paws are wet, dirtying my rugs, and his nails too long so they scratch my hardwood floors. And she doesn't even apologize, wipe up after him, or urge him off my couch! What can I say without offending her and harming the friendship?

Awkward

Just say NO. Tell her that you enjoy her company but you'd rather visit at her place. You like the dog, too, but now live in a home that's not set up for pets, and needs too much after-care if they're allowed inside. Be pleasant but firm.