My husband bought many porn videos when we dated. I thought it was just a phase, as he’s 14 years my junior.
We broke up once, when I’d discovered he was dating women he met online. He pledged to quit porn and online dating, so we married. He went to counselling and was “diagnosed” as NOT having a sexual addiction.
After marrying, I discovered his “hidden” porn watching, plus flirting with female co-workers. We divorced in 2009.
We got back together two years later, after his openly sharing his phone and computer passwords to win my trust. Again, after counselling, he denied sexual addiction.
He can be very charming, which is why women think he’s so sweet. He can also buy extravagant gifts and dinners until he’s broke, and I become his go-to girl again. When I’m lonely, I accept his bad habits and try again.
I’ve recently discovered renewed porn activities, plus sexting with his co-worker. When confronted, he blamed me, that I “should’ve been a better partner.”
Where can I get help for my own co-dependency?
How can I get rid of him for good, without feeling guilty?
RUN AWAY, emotionally – change your locks, phone number, email. You owe him nothing other than divorce papers. He’s used you emotionally and financially, and you’ve let him.
Keep running straight to a therapist, and persist until you recognize the cause of your low self-esteem that makes you accept shabby behaviour.
Build your own life of work, interests, travel, and learning… until you realize you’re beyond wasting time, energy, and money on a loser who never changes. He’s your nemesis, not your responsibility.
We’ll soon be visiting my in-laws after a recent big blow- up. Over several years, we’ve struggled with their unfair treatment of our children, especially when other grandchildren are present.
There’ve been many special trips with my SIL’s children, plus presents, special invitations, effort, time, and affection, all unequal to what ours receive.
It’ll devastate my kids when they’re old enough to see the difference.
Recently, we had to intervene on the other children bullying our toddler (witnessed by my husband), but the grandparents defended the others.
My husband got in a yelling match with my MIL, FIL, and SIL, and we left.
Days later, my FIL called me and said awful things about my husband, my child, and my mothering.
There’s been no contact till my MIL invited us to get together for a weekend.
Your in-laws may not want to discuss things, and if they’re all yellers, it’ll be a mistake to raise the past.
Without blaming you at all in this dynamic, this get-together IS an occasion for watching over the youngsters when your toddler’s playing with them.
If you see misbehavior, ask the others’ parents what they think should be said or done, for everyone’s sake as a family.
So far, you’ve all been reacting to each other, rather than confronting some basic realities: A daughter’s children usually ARE closer to her parents than a son’s, especially if she lives closer or visits more often.
Also, a smart, sensitive youngster who’s outnumbered and senses being left out often does pull some tactics to get attention. Watch for these and be honest about correcting this, too.
BUT, if you feel there’s no hope for the grandparents getting the message here about their favouritism showing, and being hurtful, then only visit with them when your SIL isn’t coming.
Or, invite them to your place, where they’ll see the kids on their own.
I want to be a professional dancer. I'm only 12; my focus is getting a good education in jazz, tap, and ballet.
I feel I've outgrown the lessons at my studio, and I want to go to another where professionals started.
I've been taking private classes with the current owner who keeps talking about how good I’m getting, and how excited she is for the coming year of dance.
I don't want to let her down by transferring to this pro studio, but it’d be a step up for me.
Great to have focused ambitions, AND sensitivity to people helping you.
Your dance teacher will understand that you’ll want and need other instructors, sooner or later.
Go with your mother, to discuss a future plan, seeking the teacher’s advice and making your own comments, about your goals, the work required to reach them, and ways to achieve this.
Tip of the day:
Co-dependents hold each other back; no one truly benefits.