My niece is getting ready to go to college in the States. Her parents offered her the opportunity if she could get a decent scholarship for her sport, which she did. It’s still going to cost them a fortune for the rest of the tuition, room and board, not to mention getting her there and home.

Now my niece is asking for a new wardrobe for this new adventure. My sister is beyond stretched and can’t do it. Neither she nor I understand needing a whole new wardrobe, though of course, getting a few new pieces is always nice.

Is it wrong for me to offer to take my niece shopping?

Helpful Auntie

That all depends on your sister and her husband. If they are OK with you taking their daughter shopping, then she’s a lucky girl. But if they feel that it makes them look bad, or their pride gets in the way, then unfortunately, no. You can’t take her shopping.

If that’s the case, you could always give her a gift card to her favourite store as a going away present. Again, I would discuss this with your sister first.

FEEDBACK Regarding the man feeling inadequate as a lover (Aug. 2):

Reader – “In saying he’s ‘only good for one go in a 24-hour period’ he revealed an abysmal ignorance of the role that a man can/should play in a rewarding intimate relationship with a woman. Your correspondent clearly has the impression that the only time one has sexual relations is when he is able to achieve erection and climax.

“He needs to up his knowledge game, and learn that there are many ways for a man to make love to a woman, to satisfy her, and receive immense positive pleasure himself, beyond striving for, or expecting, that one big O for himself.

‘There is a ton of research out there now about the multiple avenues whereby a woman can be satisfied, or satisfy herself, based on research that’s finally being done on female sexual anatomy.

“There are also useful works written by, and aimed at, men which help guide their readers to understand how much more there is to pleasurable and satisfying mutual sex than just intercourse-to-orgasm in fifteen minutes.

“Your spotlight on talking to her was key.  He should be willing and able to ‘give her more’ whether he can ‘get going’ or not.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose husband didn’t want her at the gym (Aug. 1):

Reader – “This scenario was so similar to my first husband’s actions, I had to offer a possible explanation not mentioned.  My husband also suddenly became very dedicated to improving his physique when he was 37.  Getting up at 4 a.m. so he could drive an hour to a gym for a workout.  Something didn’t feel right….

“Turns out the trainer he was working out with was a 23-year-old female co-worker at the school he worked at.   I discovered love letters to her on my 33rd birthday.  He risked losing his family, a lovely home, good standing in the community and he would have except I did not want to explode my three- and seven-year-olds’ worlds.  I thought maybe it was a ‘once in a lifetime bad mistake’ and gave him another chance.

“I soon learned he was my one very bad mistake and decided I deserved better.  The woman’s husband may have been so averse to her being in his territory because he didn’t want her to discover his real reason for going and getting buff.  I hope she opens her eyes to this possibility, as never in a million years would I have dreamt my husband would have an affair. Never!”

My husband is one way or the other, very black or white. There is no middle ground with him, on anything, ever. He’s either all in or completely out. At the moment, he’s all in to Pickleball. He’s bought a racket, special shoes and clothes, and plays every day at lunch except Wednesdays. He’s joined a league and found a group of guys who are in as much as he is.

I have no problem with any of it except – he wouldn’t come with me to pick up our son on his return from a month-long accredited summer exchange program in France because his flight landed at noon on a Tuesday. I was enraged!

That’s going too far.

Pickled

Agreed. Your husband sounds obsessive about his game, which is fine until it takes over all other aspects of his life. Which it has. You need a third-party to point out what’s happening here. You’re naturally too emotionally involved.