For a year we dated casually, but he was dealing with some issues and I backed away. We remained friends. Then we hooked up one night. I quickly said this was a mistake for such good friends.

I started dating someone else. Things were going well but my "friend" was on edge about it. I eventually ended things with the new guy because something was missing.

My friend started mentioning hooking up again or made grand statements about getting married. But he was seeing someone, which he ended a month ago.

Recently, we hooked up again. I asked directly if he liked me – he said yes. I asked, Why don’t you date me? He answered that he’s “weird with relationships.”

I can't keep pretending that this relationship’s healthy. I said if we’re friends, it’s just friends.

He messaged me, “just friends.” Soon after, he said he loves me and we’ll get married in five years.

I feel he’s a lost soul who doesn’t know what he wants.

Do I value his friendship this much or am I in love with him? I’m starting to feel like the only way to move on is to stop talking to him.

Does he love me or is he leading me on?

The Same Song

He’s hanging on, hoping you will too.

It works for his fears and indecision. But it’s not working for you.

He’s using the “weird with relationships” excuse to appeal to your patience. Meanwhile, the connection’s morphed into friends-with-benefits.

Tell him you could be in love with him, but you’re not going to wait for him to confront his feelings, so you’re ending the friendship. Mean it, because this is wearing you down.

No contact for six months will end this stalemate and your feeling of being led on. After that time, both your feelings have to be open and clear, or forgotten.

I'm 37, married, father of three. My father’s long considered me a disappointment due to some poor choices I've made.

But one year ago he said this outright, also that my wife’s lazy for being a stay-at-home mother, and my children are mistakes.

I didn't speak to him again until a Christmas get-together (annual tradition).  But I was tense. I decided to stop speaking to him.

I resent that he criticized my wife and said I shouldn't have had my children, or they shouldn't exist.

It's been a year since we last spoke.  My children ask about him periodically.  I feel he doesn't deserve their thoughts and feelings. He’s waiting for me to call him, which I won't do.

My brother’s staying out of the issue, which is right.

Am I wrong to act this way? I made it clear that his insults are unwelcome and unwarranted.

Divided Family

You acknowledge your poor choices, so unless you harmed people and haven’t tried to right those wrongs in some way, that’s in the past.

Your father’s insistence on harping on that past makes him toxic to you. It’s understandable that you want to cut ties.

However, your children will eventually want to know why. If you can’t comfortably explain yourself to them when they’re old enough, the message may be fuzzy, e.g. that it’s okay to turn against family.

But if you’re prepared to be open with them - and also open in your heart if your father ever reaches out sincerely – then the decision is yours, no one else’s.

FEEDBACK Regarding the girl whose mother found bruises on her arm (Sept. 24):

Reader – “I, too, had a large boyfriend. Once, when playing around, he was laying across my leg and my knee was injured. He took me to the emergency room because I was in pain.

“The nurse on duty assumed I’d been abused. She asked if I was old (40) to be wrestling with my boyfriend.

“I said I’d never be too old to wrestle with him. She was convinced when my boyfriend came to the triage window to find me and looked at me with a smile and concern.

“If the girl who wrote is being abused there’d be more signs than just a couple of bruises. I hope this young woman isn't in trouble.”

Ellie – She’s 18, living with a mother threatening to call his parents. Her concern? “He’ll be furious with me.” That warranted my warning her to stop wrestling with him.