I’m a woman turning the “big 30,” have no kids, and have been celibate for two years. I’ve never been in a real relationship.
I want kids but I want to conceive through donated sperm from a sperm bank. I want it to be me in my kid.
My sister and friends think I’m doing something crazy, that I should just go out to clubs every day to meet men.
They also think something can go wrong if I use donor sperm. But I’ve researched to see what the process would be, plus the pros and cons.
I’ve always wanted a family of my own and I’m not getting any younger.
I’ve tried meeting new people without any luck. I also tried talking to people from my past. It was a disaster.
So, I’ve given up on finding love and don’t even try to go out to meet people.
I feel like this generation sucks, that men are afraid to love and express their feelings.
Everyone just wants to hook up and move on to the next person. I feel sad like there’s no hope for me.
Age 30 can be “big” in a different way than you think. It’s often a turning point towards a more thoughtful approach to adult life.
Having a child on your own is not a “crazy” idea so long as you’re able to be responsible for another’s life, and you have the maturity to devote yourself to its care and well-being.
If you choose a sperm donor who’s basic physical and mental health conditions can be attested to by the sperm bank, your decision isn’t that unusual.
Of course, you will be in your child’s DNA, since it’s your egg that will be inseminated.
Be aware, though, that there are strong sentiments in society from children who were conceived through sperm donation, of wanting a connection with that person as their genetic father.
Your decision shouldn’t be about what’s wrong with society, dating, or men in general.
It should be about having the love and commitment to devote many years ahead to raising a healthy, happy and well-adjusted child.
I’m a single, widowed father, with children ages nine and eleven. Their mother passed away two years ago.
I work from home and am also very involved with my children. Very occasionally, I must travel for work. Both sets of grandparents are very helpful, looking after the kids over the few days that I’m away.
The problem is my mother-in-law’s suspicions that I’m really leaving to secretly see/go away with a woman.
I’m an honest, upright person, and if I’m ever in a relationship again, I’ll be upfront about it, especially with my children.
But I find it very irritating to have my MIL keep asking why I’m going somewhere, where and with whom.
How do I handle this without alienating my kids’ grandmother who’s an important connection to their mother?
She does sound intrusive, but perhaps she’s still grieving her daughter’s loss and can’t handle thinking that there’ll be another woman in her grandchildren’s lives.
Meanwhile, despite the irritation, she’s also being responsible since, left in charge of the kids, she does need full details of where and how to reach you if needed.
Thank her for her interest, tell her that if you ever do start dating someone who’s important to you, you’ll tell your children first, then both sets of grandparents whom you value so much as your support team.
FEEDBACK Regarding the sister-in-law’s sister who’s insisting that “family” travel to their son’s university graduation (June 4):
Reader – “This woman is unreasonable.
“Attending any out-of-town event is expensive, including travel, hotel, meals and gift.
“Unless this sister-in-law's sister was really close friends with the letter-writer and his wife, the invitation isn’t appropriate.
“As you say, if they’d been close, it wouldn’t have been a late invitation.
“I have several sisters-in-law (and brothers-in-law) and, except for a few of their siblings with whom I'm very close, not one has invited me to children's weddings, showers, graduations, etc.
“To me, “family” is aunts, uncles, cousins, distant cousins, etc.
“I think the letter writer's wife has done more than enough in this situation. The sister-in-law's sister is being manipulative beyond "difficult." I wouldn't even bother to send a gift after her antics.”
Ellie – They don’t have to attend, but they can keep family peace by sending a modest gift.
Tip of the day:
Raising a child without a partner requires commitment and responsibility for years ahead.