I'm in love with both my ex-husband and my new husband.
I've long been separated from my ex, but I've been missing him. I may have made a mistake leaving him.
I've thought of going back to him, but I have children with my new husband. That complicates things.
I also miss my former mother-in-law, we were close. But my husband won't allow me to even speak to her on the phone.
I'm miserable. I want my old life back.
- Is It Too Late?
Old lives aren't easy to re-capture exactly as before, but new ones sometimes need to be re-assessed.
No husband should have the right to "disallow" you to phone someone.
However, examine your own motives: if you're trying to get back to your ex, you're playing with fire and your hubby is likely trying to prevent having anyone get burnt.
Get a grip on your confused emotions; having children in this second marriage is more than a "complication"; they are your first responsibility.
Meet with a counsellor to discuss your feelings and weigh your true options. Perhaps your past child-free life with your ex appeals, when compared to the stresses of raising a family.
But if your current marriage isn't tolerable, you may find you have to make changes without your ex wanting to be involved.
Before I left my wife three years ago, my relationship with my brother, his wife, and their children was excellent and close. But after being put off and snubbed, it came out two years ago that his wife wanted nothing more to do with me.
Since then, my brother can only meet me outside of his home.
Being incapacitated and quite ill, he relies on his wife. I'd love to spend more time with him but his wife rules.
My sister-in-law is now my ex's best friend; they meet regularly. Almost all our friends and other relatives treat both sides maturely and unbiased. Should something happen to my brother, I feel my sister-in-law denied her husband a valuable relationship. We're all in our 70's. Their four children are married with families. I try to communicate with my niece and nephews but they're unresponsive (possibly mother's influence).
Should I just accept the relationship with my brother as it is?
Divorce of long-term spouses sometimes triggers fear and upset in once-close family and friends. Judgments are made, no matter how the split is played out.
Nevertheless, your sister-in-law is wrong to obstruct your relationship with your brother. Despite his infirmity, he should be firm in expressing a desire to continue seeing you.
If possible, you could arrange taxi service for him to meet you. Or he should ask one of his children to drive him to see you. Don't give up. Send cards and small gifts to your niece and nephews at appropriate times, to show your continued interest. If you hear your brother is ailing, try to find someone - perhaps a person in your faith community - who'll intervene so you can see him.
Time may ease this situation.
My ex-boyfriend and I, both 35, dated on and off for six years. We broke up six months ago and haven't spoken to each other.
I've been dating someone new for one month. I often compare him to my ex-boyfriend and it makes me feel both sad and mad.
My ex is short, fat, ugly, unfashionable, intelligent, selfish, brought up in a broken family, too talkative, and mean.
The new guy is tall, cute, stylish, street-smart, uneducated, spoiled, drives a convertible, is a heavy smoker/drinker, sweet, brought up in a good loving family, owns a successful business.
Nobody's perfect; however, I'm not happy in either relationship. Friends say dump them both.
What should I do?
Torn in two
Try learning to be happy on your own.
You need time to develop a clear sense of what qualities are essential in a partner for you. Intelligence may prove to be more important than height; spoiled may be as unbearable as selfish.
The fact that you stayed with a "mean guy" for six years tells me you haven't yet defined your limits of acceptance; you took a long time to find your self-esteem and seek something better.
Don't settle for this next guy so quickly, just because nobody's perfect. Figure out what would be the right fit for you, flaws and all, and then, as you date other men, you'll know when it feels right.
Tip of the day:
Relationships are not best achieved by choosing "either/or."