My wife (33) and I (35), married eight years, have a spirited daughter, 3½, and a son, six months. My wife’s become full of anger, partly because of dealing with the kids and being home on mat leave.      
      Our daughter’s in daycare, my wife’s at home with our son. She tries to do too much (i.e. laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc) claiming if SHE doesn't do it, nobody will, meaning me. I do try to help out after work and on weekends, but it’s not enough.     
      How do I get her to realize that she needs to take care of herself and our son and not worry about the housework so much?     
      We rarely kiss or hug anymore. Sex is non-existent. We’re both constantly yelling at, or disciplining our daughter. Our house is in disarray. I think we need counselling. Every day, we seem to drift further apart.
      - Troubled

You’re both venting some frustration with each other on your young daughter, who needs far more guidance than constant yelling and discipline.
      I strongly recommend you read, Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent and Energetic, by Mary Kurcinka. Children provide challenges that require thoughtful learning, and yes, a family therapist could help.    
      But you can also help your wife’s spirits by adjusting her stay-home schedule. Example: Arrange for a weekly babysitter so she can go out with a friend, or do something just for herself.    
       Try to also have a “date night” every two weeks. And encourage her to join a Mom’s group where she can bring the baby – there’s tremendous support value in being with others who’ve also traded manageable work routines for the unknown territory of raising kids.

During six years together, I never saw my fiancé’s parents work. His dad retired in his 40s; two sons are married with kids; two more live at home, charged high rent to support their parents. They must also buy groceries.     
       The parents somehow got all of the sons’ bank account numbers. We’re saving to buy a house and discovering this, his parents increased his rent $200. They say they’re in debt and facing bankruptcy.      
       Yet they won’t seek jobs. The sons work overtime and two jobs. Their parents use the handouts for random trips. My fiancé says we’ll have to continue supporting them after marrying. The other wives are also concerned and frustrated.     
       But the sons were raised to respect and obey and they’re worried their parents will lose their house and end up on the streets. Are we women wrong to feel taken advantage of? Should we take action and, if so, how?
       - Unfair

The bottom line here may be that this is the same man you’ve known for six years, meeting the same family demands. He may not change, despite your efforts. Worse, he may resent you for trying to deprive his parents of what their sons all believe are rightful needs.     
       This will not be good for your relationship. However, since your own resentment may also have a negative effect, you might as well raise the issue.    
       A group confrontation would be best if the two wives agree. Meet together first, to detail specifics - each couple’s own financial needs vs. the amount they’re being asked to hand over.     
       Seek a reasonable compromise, e.g. a lesser contribution, given directly to specific expenses that bypass the parents’ wallets, such as mortgage payments, utilities and buying groceries.

FEEDBACK Periodically I receive questions about marriage between people of different faiths (e.g. December 17). Here’s one commentary:      
       Reader – “I married outside my religion 19 years ago; religion was never an issue. Some tips:      
       “Don’t try to change what the other’s family believes; just be honest and set limits, e.g. if you’re expected to baptize your children, and agree, then inform both sides but choose a private ceremony.    
       “The most important thing is the baptism for itself, not the party, or the grandparents.     
       “Respect your partner’s religion and don’t try to change him or her. Never try to convince your children which religion is “right.” Celebrate the differences.      
       “Build values, without labels. We had many Chanukah celebrations close to our Christmas tree. We discovered we’re very rich in traditions.     
       “Religion is a part of the marriage, but it is not all. More important is the love and respect between you two.”