My boyfriend of two years has never slept overnight with me. We’re best friends, go out once a week to dinner or a movie, and I usually pay half, though my finances are tight and he earns twice as much.

Afterwards, he goes home to sleep. We live nearby, no kids, both in our 40’s; he’s never been married. He’s very close to his parents, whom I’ve met, but he puts off meeting mine. He cancelled three trips I planned because something "came up through work.”

I asked why he doesn't stay overnight… he said he likes his own bed.

I believe he’s so set in his ways that he’ll never move forward. When I ask if he ever wants to get married, he gives a generic answer to keep me hoping.

He’s never said he loves me, and I won’t say it first. But I love him very much. He’s stopped romancing me, and I feel like a friend with benefits.

In Limbo

You’ve made it easy for him to stay set in his ways – he gets dinner at only half the cost, has sex, and can sleep in his own comfy bed.

Change the pattern. Examples: 1) Invite him over for dinner, serve lots of wine, insist he’s had too much alcohol to even walk home. 2) Next time, go to dinner, but forget your purse. Say you’re low on funds anyway, and you’d appreciate it if he’ll pay more often, given his higher salary. 3) Have your parents visiting you when he arrives to pick you up, but don’t alert him ahead.

After these gambits, you’ll know where you stand. He’ll resist or ask about the changes, and then you can ask where the relationship’s headed. OR, more likely, he’ll start distancing.

If so, send him back to his security blanket and end it, or accept that this relationship is only… friends with benefits.

FEEDBACK Regarding the man who cited the woman “on the brink” of cheating on her husband, as an example of why he won’t marry (May 23):

Reader – “I want him to know not all women are like her. Sadly, some guys encourage that kind of behaviour.

“I’m a fit, attractive, young professional with many interests. I don’t get involved in a relationship lightly. I finally met the love of my life. I finally gave him everything, after seeing him for several months.

“He left me with a big question mark and a void in my heart.

“A year later, I carry on with my life as normally as possible. I make new friends but none gives me the same kind of heart fluttering.

“I feel I was left behind on this planet.

“Perhaps I was too innocent and too inexperienced for him. Life is unfair. Yet it’s a little comforting to know that there are guys like the one who wrote, who value loyalty in relationships.”

Heart with a Big Hole

You’ve shared your pain but not asked how to relieve it. The natural answer is, with Time. But you can also be pro-active about moving forward. You were NOT left behind.

This man took advantage of your innocence and proved unworthy of your love.

He was a hit-and-run guy and many women have known this damaging experience… but they recover through recognizing their own value, and realizing that life with such a man would’ve ended up miserable for them.

Knowing there ARE good men out there, date with your eyes wide open, to find one.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who’s torn about keeping contact with her toxic family (May 24):

Reader – “My sister had little love for my mother while my father was alive. My mother was a drunk from the time I was 12 until I was 30.

“I married and had three children. My mother and unmarried sister hated my sons openly. "Torn" shouldn’t expose her future children to this soul-destroying behaviour.

“I sought counselling, nothing worked. Finally, I only met them for lunch for birthdays, at a restaurant, never again inviting them home.

“When my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I tried to be the dutiful daughter. Even on her deathbed she only said cruel things. Since she died, I walked free, having little contact with my sister and no regrets.

“I hope my mother found some peace. I have. Had I not tried so hard, I could’ve spared my children much heartache and rejection.”