Before I met my fiancé, I had a best male friend. We decided we were each other’s back-up plan. We had sex regularly, liked each other a lot, but weren’t in love.

When I met my fiancé, that all stopped. But he’s gone overseas to work a six-months contract and I’m lonely and frustrated. We’ll only see each other once!

I think it’s nobody’s business if my former buddy and I decide to get together; it’s nothing we haven’t done before.

Not Wrong

You may convince yourself, but if your fiancé finds out – and it’s likely he will – you’ll never convince him this isn’t cheating.

You’re in a committed relationship, which currently requires short-term sacrifice for a purpose.

Marriage will also call for periods of change and adjustment. If you can’t stay faithful now, you won’t be better at it later.

If you go ahead, you reveal selfishness and disregard for both men’s feelings, since your “friend” is now being used as a substitute instead of a chosen back up.

I've been dating my boyfriend for five years, and things have been better than ever this past year.

He recently asked me to move in with him. However, the other day I commented about "when we get married" and he stopped short, saying he wasn't getting married, ever.

We’ve talked about marriage several times in recent months, and had agreed it wouldn't happen until we were both finished our degrees. He even got emotional when I said I’d be honoured to take his last name!

He now “doesn't remember those conversations” and “doesn't believe in marriage.” I'm not willing to budge, so what do I do?

Upset and Confused

There’s only one move to make, and that’s out the door. OR, if you haven’t moved in yet, it’s to call for a break.

Be completely clear: that you want five-years of developing a strong relationship to mean you two are a couple expecting to get married. If he’s changed his mind, he needs to say so. He also needs to know that you’ll be going separate ways, long enough for you both to think things through.

On average, are both parents supposed to contribute to their children's wedding? If so, how much is an appropriate amount?

Also, if the other set of parents think that only the bride’s family should pay for it, what’s the best way to let them know that we disagree and would like to split it thus: one-third from us, one-third from them, and one-third from the bride and groom together.

They won’t agree. Even if they offer to contribute, it’ll only be very little despite their good financial situation.

Tight Wedding

There’s no “on average” anymore, regarding financial attitudes towards weddings. In some communities, especially if the couple is of the same background, it’s somewhat common for both sets of parents to contribute equally.

In other communities, it’s still expected that the bride’s parents pay the lion’s share.

But if the couple work and earn decently, they often pay for part of the wedding themselves. This is especially so if they’re planning a large event, and know that even sharing costs comes to a lot for everyone.

Your preference is logical and fair, but you already know it won’t be accepted. So instead of making a seeming aggressive move, decide what you can comfortably afford, tell the children without comment on what others should do, and let them figure out what kind of wedding they’ll have.

We’d dated for six months and had fantastic sex, but then he said he realizes I’m not the one, so he’s going to date others. However, he hated giving me up because we’re so great together.

I feel that if we keep getting together he might still fall in love with me. So I’m fine with him coming over every few nights, sometimes even after his date. We talk, laugh, make love and it’s like we’re already married! Do you think he’ll see it that way one day, too?

Hoping for Love

No. You get what you accept. He’s got nothing on his conscience to make him re-think his behavior. He told you exactly what he’s going to do, which is date others till he falls in love with The One – who’s not you – and meanwhile have sex with you when he pleases.

Agreeing to this is demeaning to your self-esteem. Don’t answer the door.