I recently went through a breakup after almost five years together. I still love her very much.
So this breakup was hard on both of us as she’s said that she feels the same.
The reason that she ended the relationship was because of religion, and the issue of how we’d raise our kids.
We’ve both stayed respectful and kept polite openness during this phase. There are no harsh exchanges or bitterness.
Now we’re each starting new chapters in our lives, both of us having jobs in different cities.
She has stated that she’d like to keep some contact, and that cutting me off is too painful.
I’m not sure what the best step would be.
I’m unsure if I’d be able to move on if I keep in touch, even minimally. But the thought of never talking to her again is haunting.
Create a no-contact time zone, not a final cut-off.
A mutually agreed period of, say, six months, would give each of you time to focus on settling into new jobs and cities, meeting new people.
You’ll have the comfort of knowing that at the end of that period, you can catch up with how each other’s doing.
Also, consider agreeing that if there’s an emergency reason to make contact, it’s acceptable.
I am from India. My daughter, an intelligent student in the 10th Grade, prefers watching TV during her leisure, rather than reading books.
I always advise her against this by saying that a reading habit will help her stay victorious in life.
Can you advise her on the importance of reading?
Ellie - This is addressed to that teenage daughter and all the other youth whose well-intentioned parents urge them towards what they believe will improve their futures:
This father is right, though not entirely. Television, film, and other media also have a place in your lives, as part of your generation’s culture and socialization.
But reading opens doors in your own mind for your own personal growth, and that’s at least as important as becoming victorious.
Reading gives you deeper insights to what you see on TV, where it’s sometimes hyped or glamourized.
It explodes your imagination about what you read, not relying on others’ images to show you.
It brings understanding that makes you informed and self-confident in dealings with others.
It brings knowledge that makes you better able to grasp new ideas, and become more creative at your own interests.
Whatever your hopes and dreams are for the future, reading can improve your chances of attaining them.
That’s partly what this father meant when he used the word “victorious,” but it applies to your own goals for you, not just his.
Reading can take you to as-yet unexplored worlds – travel, music, art, literature, poetry, science, and technology - helping you to decide what’s ahead for you.
And reading novels about history and romance brings awareness of a world of different peoples, and of human emotions, which affect you and all your relationships.
There should be time for television, radio, film, etc., for entertainment, and also for advancing knowledge and understanding.
But reading’s a habit you can turn to for refuge or inspiration throughout your life.
It’s the foundation from which you’ll better choose what you watch on TV, what movies you see, even whom you connect with on social media.
So read for yourself, not just for your parents. They have the same hopes you have – that you attain a fulfilled life.
In a recent run-in with an older female co-worker (we’re both shift supervisors), she was displaying samples while talking to another female employee, who was doing nothing.
I waited to be acknowledged before asking, "Should we have someone check the salad bar?"
I said "we" to indicate I was asking her opinion.
The other girl volunteered to go. My fellow supervisor then accused me of rudeness, habitually interrupting conversations, and said I needed to leave people alone.
How To Respond?
Consider your prior working relationship with this co-worker.
If generally okay, simply say, “Sorry I interrupted you the other day.” You obviously ticked her off – maybe their conversation was private and important to them. She has equal status to you.
Workplaces can usually handle some socializing, if nothing important is being delayed too long.
But if your relationship’s frequently strained, consider your own behaviour, too.
If normal, and conflict happens again, report her attitude to your boss.
Tip of the day:
After a long, loving relationship ends, an initial no-contact period may help with moving on.