Throughout eight months of dating, I’ve sent or given her flowers, and also sent her a card with a personal note, at least once weekly. 

We’ve gone on cruises together and stayed in hotels.

Not once have we had sex or even come close.

I’ve showered her with everything imaginable.

She’s taken me out for dinner once, on my birthday. I never heard the end as to how much she spent.

We’re both in our 50s.

This is my first new relationship in over thirty years as my wife died.

I’ve told this woman I want to marry her and how much I love her. She’s never said those words back to me.

When I ask about marriage or love, she says I’m rushing her.

Am I just being used? She has $5,000 of mine in a bank account, which was supposed to be a start for a wedding ring.

We’ve also looked at homes together; mine’s up for sale.

I have no one to turn to.

- Lost Soul

Turn to your real estate agent and hold off the house sale, and any purchase. Then turn to her and ask for the $5,000 back. 

There’s no wedding on the horizon, and there’s no love on her part.

She’s been taking advantage of everything you offer… unfortunately, it’s because you’ve let her.

You’ll be lucky if you get the money back, but never mind, as you’ll be still luckier if you can break this off without further material loss.

There are good women out there, so don’t give up looking for companionship and mutual chemistry with someone who appreciates you.

My husband and 1 are married 18 months; we’ve known each other for 26 years, but never could make things work. We broke up, married others, got divorced, re-connected, split again and finally married. However, he works 1,000 miles away from me. 

He’s relocated, but needs to sell his house to purchase another.

That house isn’t selling.

This situation is difficult - even at Christmas, he’s working the three days.

Do I stay here, continue working and saving for our future house or move there?

If so, I’d have to stay at the house without him while he’s working in a town a couple of hours away (where there’s no job for me).

What if the house doesn’t sell?

- Complicated

Too many hurdles, not enough determination. I suspect this is why you two had trouble staying together in the past. 

Move there, now. You can find some “romantic escape” time at Christmas if you stay in a nearby hotel for those three days, and make it as cheery as possible.

Until the house sells, a commute of a couple of hours is better than what you have now.

You have the desire to be married to each other, now be creative and upbeat about finding the positives in your relationship and tackling those hurdles the best you can.

I’m frightened to tell my mom I want to move out - fear of how she’ll react, and fear whether I can do it on my own. 

She believes I cannot handle it. I’m unsure how, or when I should ask her.

- Wondering

First, you need a plan, first – e.g. an income, knowledge of available accommodation, etc. Then, show Mom you’re prepared to move out. 

If a plan isn’t possible, you need to discuss with her your desire for more independence and what you have to do to get it.

I’m 24, in my first serious relationship – he’s 30, and black; I’m Asian. 

My family disapproves of mixed couples and will disown and disinherit me if I stay with him.

Yet they’re insisting that I marry him soon, should I continue our relationship, so that I’ll leave their house.

I’m being forced to choose sides!

- Torn

Your family’s prejudice is no surprise to you. 

Weigh the reasons why you chose this man… as it is more about love than rebellion or curiousity; more respect and admiration for him than trying to prove your right to choice?

If yes, and yes, can you live with being estranged from family?

You can form a new loving unit with your man, have children and create close friendships, but you may never have family support.

Think this through, talk to your guy (whose family may also disapprove) and decide what you can or cannot handle together.