I ended a six-year relationship because my ex did something I don’t tolerate and we’d discussed before.
I soon started dating someone else I’d known a long time.
Now she started with lies and being sneaky and deceitful. Though I like her very much, I broke it off with her a month ago. Problem is that my ex wants me back and so does this last one.
Should I just say goodbye to both women and search for love somewhere else, or should I give either one a chance? They both they’ve learned from their mistakes.
- Familiar Scene
You have some learning to do, too, since you appear to be repeating a pattern in your choice of mates.
Perhaps you’ve been overlooking the clues during early dating, as to how these women will eventually behave (e.g. an overly flirtatious manner showing a need for male attention; or a history of past affairs.)
Or you may be initially attracted to such women as a challenge that later turn into disappointment.
Do NOT fall back with one or the other. Instead, work out what you really seek in a relationship and start fresh with someone only after you’re sure that she’s trustful, sincere, and has the same goal for a loyal, committed union.
Then, make sure your own behaviour is trusting, and doesn’t drive a partner away with suspicions.
My daughter’s boyfriend (both 17) constantly says he “needs” her, then goes out with other girls behind her back. She finds out, they break up, he crawls back begging forgiveness.
It’s been over two years, and frustrating to see my daughter so often in tears; it’s even common for her to cry at school, at work, home and around her friends. Everyone has told her to let this guy go but she thinks he’ll change.
As a mom, I'm having a hard time even letting him into my house... at times he’s caused her to be so depressed she stays in bed for days. We have a great relationship and I hate this emotional abuse, but he’s confident that he can get away with anything and she’ll be his fallback girl.
She’s a beautiful young woman but her self-esteem has gotten really low with this guy always going after other girls. She’s convinced she wants to marry him.
I met my hubby when I was 14 and we’ve been together ever since and I think she believes she can do the same.
- Worried Mom
Open up your daughter’s world as much as possible and hope it’ll open her eyes. At any level you can afford, travel with her for a weekend trip to another city, holiday (March break) somewhere interesting and different, start taking her to live theatre, the ballet, any cultural event that you can both (and Dad, too) experience and talk about.
In other words, try to relieve the drama of her high-school romance with a controlling jerk, by raising her sights to a broader universe in which she can take part. Work on boosting her self-esteem - get her involved in activities in which she shows interest and/or skill – a dance class, skiing, a photography club, whatever.
And bring her Dad into the picture. He needs to tell his daughter that the reason your young relationship worked is because you were both respectful of each others’ feelings, while she is being manipulated by a guy who’s not of that same character.
I’m engaged (five-years together) but my family doesn’t think she’s right for me and want me to end it before the wedding.
She doesn’t like them, either.
We fight regularly, mostly about my job and family.
I love her and her family is great but I want to remain close to mine.
We weren’t invited to my brother’s for the family Christmas because he hates her.
- Middle Man
Take a stand. If your family is unreasonable in their judgment of her, and caused the hostility, tell them to back off, they can’t control your choice. You love them, but will have to see them alone, and less often.
However, if she’s contributing to this conflict and behaving badly, postpone the wedding and tell her you refuse to cut off family. You’re the one who must broker a truce and insist they try to get along, or one side will lose you.
Tip of the day:
When you find yourself going down the same path with each relationship, examine how you make your choices.
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