I cheated on my husband of 25 years and he’s left me. This isn’t my first affair.
I’ve learned that my husband, who promised to work on the marriage and forgive me, held it against me for the last ten years. We obviously had issues that neither of us explored (most of the marriage has been sexless).
I’m scared for my future and I don’t have a clue how to secure someone to help me with the legal ramifications, etc.
We’ll probably remain separated for a while due to financial constraints.
He’s just inherited a substantial amount of money that I apparently have no rights to. He’s withdrawn $12,000 out of our joint bank account. He spent $23,000 on a vehicle, and bought a new laptop.
I’m on short-term medical leave from my job; my head isn’t working properly, but I need to get back to work.
Your suggestions?
- Need Help In Alberta
Stop feeling sorry for yourself; you were risking this situation for years.
Yes, you both contributed to an unhappy marriage, but when your husband took you back, you should’ve insisted on joint marital and sex therapy, rather than repeat your escapist affairs.
Now, no matter what happens, you owe him a huge apology… it may be the only way to help him cool his anger and deal rationally with the separation, rather than continue indulging himself through spending.
You do need legal advice – ask your friends if they can recommend someone who’s experienced in family law, property division, etc. Or see your local Yellow Pages and ask lawyers you call if they deal with divorce matters.
Learn your rights regarding joint marital property, savings accounts, etc. I strongly recommend you also get back to work and focus on making a life for yourself as an individual. Do NOT fall back into your old pattern of thinking some other man is the answer to your unhappiness. This is your opportunity to find some inner strength.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for nine months, after being friends for a year before dating.
However, our “spark” in our sex life has diminished. I have a bigger sex drive and she’s denied me many times, causing feelings of rejection. We agreed to be more understanding of each others’ feelings but she still hasn’t opened up to being more sexual.
I don’t want to call it because of this one problem but I’m afraid it won’t ever get fixed.
It’s made me a little paranoid about how she feels about me.
Is there an underlying problem as to why she’s not as sexual as when we first started dating?
- Concerned
You don’t say anything about how you’ve opened up to her feelings… for example, whether you talked with her about what may’ve turned her off.
Her reluctance may be about style more than quantity. Many women need cuddling and shared confidences as part of their intimate connection; sex alone begins to feel like a demand or just a routine exercise, if there isn’t the added quality of bonding.
Instead of keeping count, get romantic, which was what your earlier dating reflected. Call her during the day with interest in how she’s doing, touch her fondly when talking together without always being sexual, spend some of your time in bed just sharing stories and humour about your day.
If all that doesn’t help, you’ll likely need to go for counselling together, if you want the relationship to continue.
Recently, my fiance and I split; we have a daughter, age 3.
I’m past trying to make things work with us, but he continues to play games and tell lies. He keeps saying he loves me and he just needs more time.
Also, his mother gets too involved in his life.
I’ve been dating again but how do I move on if I have to keep communicating with my immature ex?
- Frustrated
If you’re the mature one, you’d best understand that as parents, you MUST communicate with each other about your daughter, through all her years of growing up.
The way to “move on” is to first focus on coming to a decent separation agreement regarding child custody, visits, and support.
Then, stop judging him and try to deal amicably, especially around your child.
Once you’ve worked out your responsibilities, you’re then free to work on dating towards a future relationship.
Tip of the day:
When a separation is inevitable, so is the need for learning your legal rights and responsibilities.
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