My boyfriend called a two-week break; I “temporarily” moved back to my mother. We’d been living together for a year.
The issues are that I’m never home or am often out late - sometimes for work, sometimes for drinking with a friend. (No hanky-panky).
I also drink too much when home; I need help with that.
He hates to be alone.
I stay out because I’m stressed to go home to a messy house and him just playing video games with five male cousins when I just want to rest/relax.
- What To Do?
Take a much longer break. YOU need to make changes in your own behaviour, for your own sake as well as for any relationship.
Drinking is no solution for stress, it’s only an escape and creates additional problems.
Your boyfriend is unhappy being left alone, so he feels no motivation to clean up. Also, there’s no reason why you can’t socialize with him, instead of this other friend, especially since you have to work late on some nights.
Use this time apart to get help for your drinking problem, don’t just talk about it. See your family doctor, and learn the health risks of addiction.
When you recognize how many of your relationship issues start from your own poor choices, show your boyfriend that you’re making changes, and discuss getting together again.
I’m happily married for 14 years; I’ve been a smoker for 20 years and my wife wanted me to quit. My latest attempt has lasted for nine months cigarette-free!
My wife is considerably overweight; frankly, obese. I’ve urged her to lose some weight as diabetes and heart disease runs in her family and I know being overweight is as unhealthy as smoking. Yet she gets angry and defensive.
She used to enjoy biking, riding, camping, swimming and evening walks. Now she makes excuses to avoid physical activity. She’s at home with both children in school.
She joined a gym with me but goes rarely.
She rejects my buying a home treadmill.
She has an active social life and doesn’t seem to have a low self-esteem issue.
I love her and want her to be healthy for many more years together. Should I just let it go or keep coming up with ideas to help her?
- Heavily Concerned
I commend you for all that you’ve attempted, and for all the right reasons: now, try the unexpected… which is to back off.
Tell your wife once more, directly, that you love her dearly and hope to have a long life with her, which will be more likely if she’s more health-conscious in her eating habits. Then, say you trust her to come to this effort on her own.
Go to the gym when you wish, buy the treadmill and keep it near or in your bedroom (don’t hang clothes on it!) and use it sometimes yourself.
Don’t push her to join you, or show disappointment, just lead by example.
Also, make sure she and you both have regular health checkups.
I’m finding porn sites on our computer every day! It disgusts me and makes me think my partner’s dissatisfied with me physically.
What can I say to stop his watching porn?
- Fed Up
Say, “Goodbye,” if this relationship is making you feel demeaned and your partner doesn’t care about your feelings.
There’s no reason to compare yourself to a porn star since guys who obsess on porn are relating sexually to what they cannot attain and want false stimulation instead of the real thing.
Whenever my younger sister visits here from her home in England, she stays with my parents one month, along with her husband and daughter, and gets red-carpet treatment.
My parents have built a vacation home in Europe and my sister can now visit them there too.
With our three children, it’s inconvenient for us to visit my parents’ home here frequently, despite only a 20-minute drive away.
My parents still work, with limited vacation time.
Now, they’ll be actually spending more quality time with my sister and her family, than us. It really bugs me.
- Bad Feelings
-Jealousy (likely built from childhood) is interfering with your good sense. Visit your parents more frequently, if you desire, instead of focusing on “inconvenience.”
Plan a visit to Europe when you can.
Enjoy your sister and her family for their qualities, rather than wasting your time weighing any attention given to them.
Tip of the day:
Health issues can create relationship stress.