My ex-boyfriend’s mom doesn't come around anymore, which I prefer, because I feel she only wanted to see if I've moved on already.
She texts me when she’s drunk, saying stuff like, "My son’s an (expletive), he let go of you too easily."
He and I had our differences. We broke up and I let him come back three times within a year and a half. Then he texted me a Happy New Year, soon after he’d been very rude and told me to stop texting him, which I did.
I met someone new who treats me really well, and I’m going very slowly with him. He knows I have children and that I’m very cautious about who gets to meet them because of my ex.
I don't want different men in my children's lives. They’re ages five and seven, and their father is very manipulative.
My last ex’s mom (not the mom of their father) told me she’s going to start coming everyday and that I shouldn’t let their father see our children.
He isn't a bad father but he’s somewhat bi-polar. She believes he’s brainwashing our kids. But I just want to co-parent with him and I’m tired of drama.
I think she texted me because I recently told her son I don't want to be with him anymore. What should I do?
Stop the drama by not allowing it.
Since you’re finished with your latest “ex,” and don’t have a healthy, helpful relationship with his mother, pull away from her.
You thank her for caring but stay firm. You have a full plate raising two young children, especially if it’s mostly on your own.
She has no right to insist that you ban their father from his kids… it’s disturbing to you, along with her drunken texting.
I understand that you’re likely lonely and happy to meet a new man, but unless you stick to your go-slow approach, you’re setting up for more drama.
Your kids need you to be their strong mother, seeking information and resources to help you raise them safe and healthy. You need direction towards the life you want, not drama.
If you and the children’s father don’t have a co-parenting agreement, I urge you to look for a legal clinic to ask how to get that established.
You also should seek help and guidance from a family services association in your area, and/or a local YWCA.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding lending money within a family (January 8):
“I’ve seen countless examples of people in my lifetime who share similar traits to the aunt in her letter such as: they’ve had many disagreements with other family members; they’re frequently asking to borrow money and keeping it secret; they’re offering to pay back in months; are unemployed, and have reputation for not repaying.
“My own parents have loaned tens of thousands of dollars to a relative who has yet to repay, but lives in another country in a home that’s been completely renovated, with a well-paying full-time job.
“Although my parents were able to part with the money, they took a line of credit, worked until 65 instead of taking earlier retirement, and live very simple lives to reduce their expenses.
“Some reasons I found online for never lending money to friends or relatives: 1) Such loans tend to be open-ended and not a priority for the borrower to repay. 2) It can be difficult to request repayment and can make family gatherings awkward. 3) You could lose both your money and the relationship.”
My young cousin, 27, was sharing an apartment with two similar-age women who became hostile to her. She’s a gentle soul, and their nastiness – eating and watching TV in one of their rooms with the door locked – became unbearable.
She’s moved to my place till the lease is up, soon (while still having to pay her share).
She cries every day, and shows me their negative comments on Facebook about whatever she’s posted. I told her to block them, but she says it’ll only create more badmouthing. What do you suggest?
Blocking their posts is a beginning. Staying OFF Facebook for a while is what she needs to regain a healthy outlook.
These are classic “mean-girls” tactics often used to mask adolescent-like insecurity. Now in their late 20s, her roommates are the losers.
Once she fully disassociates from them and their manipulative social media posts, she’ll start to recognize that.
Tip of the day:
Don’t let others’ opinions/drama rule your life.