My best friend only talks to me in school when it suits her and I’m really upset about it. We sit together at lunch every day, except on Wednesdays when, for some reason, she sits at a table with three other girls. On Wednesdays, she pretends I don’t exist.

I have no idea what happens on Wednesday, or why she’s chosen that day to be mean to me. She doesn’t go out of her way to be mean; she just blanks me all day. I’ve stopped approaching her.

Then she’s normal again for the rest of the week. We even went to a party on the weekend and had a sleepover.

What gives?

Wednesday Weirdness

Your first sentence is nonsensical. How can a person be your BEST friend if they only talk to you when it suits them?!? That’s not what friends do, and certainly not what best friends do. You need to have a chat with this girl. You deserve to know what’s going on, and you deserve to be treated better by anyone, ESPECIALLY your so-called best friend!

Ask her how she would feel if you stopped talking to her every Monday?!? It’s ridiculous behaviour and you need to stop accepting it. You can’t change or control HER behaviour, but you can certainly change your own.

I am 61, mother to four children and several grandchildren. My parents divorced when I was 12 and my mother used us as ammo against my dad. We were the vehicle to hurt my father.  We didn't know because we were children.

Only recently have I cut my mom off. She has hurt my siblings and my children and it stops now. I will not submit my grandchildren to the harm we have endured. Recently, she really hurt my sister who has helped her (I live six hours away), almost ruined her career and possible pension.

She has had good moments - but those are always used against us because we “owe” her - and they’re few and very far between.  She’s in a nursing home now and no one visits; I am recovering from cancer (she never called me once during my year-and-a-half struggle). I can't travel much just yet. My sister is banned from speaking to her. My brother is in a wheelchair and dealing with so many of his own health issues that he also can't go visit.

My act of defiance, after decades of maltreatment, is an attempt to put a stop to the generational pain. I never cut off my dad who passed of COVID. I have lived the hurt she inflicted on all of us, even her grandchildren.

I can’t imagine causing my own children, and/or my grandchildren, any of the intentional pain she caused me. In your opinion, at what point do we get to say enough?

Daughter of an abusive mother

My opinion doesn’t matter here because I am not the one who suffered. I haven’t walked in your shoes, suffered what you’ve suffered. And as you know, we all have different levels of tolerance. You might be done now, at 61, whereas someone else in your place would have been done two decades ago.

Whatever has pushed you over the edge, enough for you to say enough, is the straw that broke your back. But as I say, everyone’s back is different; everyone’s straw is different.

If you need validation, I strongly suggest you speak to a professional who can help you deal with the years of abuse, to unpack all your deep-rooted feelings and work it out so you feel good about yourself and your behaviour towards your mother. It’s you who needs to validate you.

FEEDBACK Regarding unacceptable (July 2):

Reader – “You don’t live in their shoes. Who are you to judge or even have an opinion?

“My 94-year-old mother was suffering greatly and seriously considering MAID. We found a doctor willing to sign-off.  Being religious, we had discussions with a priest. My mother found it very reassuring.

“Did I want to lose my mother?  Absolutely NOT.  But I also understood the amount of suffering she was experiencing.  My opinion, if I had one, did not matter.

“My brothers were the issue.  They weren’t in favour. In the end, she decided she couldn’t ‘pull the plug’ on herself.

“She had a DNR request, that fortunately everyone agreed with. She died of pneumonia.  The look of contentment on her face the moment she passed was priceless.  That is my lasting memory.  She finally got her wish.

“MAID may not be for you, but when someone decides it’s their best option, don’t give your opinion.”