We're newlyweds, living in a different city from our parents. Even before we got married, and ever since, my husband insists on talking to his parents via phone or web-cam at least once every day. It's always a long conversation from the bedroom, before we go to bed. This has been going on for four years!

I understand and respect his closeness with his parents, but this routine cuts into our time for intimacy and I feel our marriage is suffering because of it. Also, I feel that some things should stay private within our marriage. I wish his parents would give us some space to build our new life together.

Frustrated

It's your Boy-Husband who needs to cut the umbilical cord. Start with separating the issues: You're not against his talking to his parents, but not in the bedroom, not at bedtime.

Explain that you two need a special place to talk to each other as well as to cuddle and share confidences that are private between you.

If he holds back from that concept, you need counselling more than you need to deal with your in-laws. His parents aren't setting the venue for these chats...and though they may ask questions, mature adult children know which ones to not answer, and set boundaries once they're married.

Do not keep blaming his parents for behaviour your husband can easily change, and to which they'll adjust.

After being away for a week, I came home and saw porn sites on my computer. I was shocked. My husband didn't deny watching porn.

We're late-60s, married 49 years. He'd cheated on me several times in the early days, but with small children and no career, I stayed to keep the kids fed and a roof over their heads. I had thought that was all behind me until now.

I viewed some of these sites and was disgusted. I can't even look at him. He has a problem with getting and keeping an erection and I'd been doing everything I can to help him. I don't feel I can do this anymore as I'm heartbroken and find this unforgiveable. I'm seriously thinking of leaving.

He'd never consent to counselling, plus he doesn't see why I'm upset ....yet he tried to hide it and I don't know how long this has been going on. Is there any solution to this?

Heartbroken

You're still angry about the past. And that may also be affecting your husband's libido, along with age and any health or medication issues.

While it's not that surprising that a man with erectile dysfunction might turn to porn, it doesn't mean you have to accept it or condone it. But deal with the primary matters first - i.e. your relationship and your sex life together.

He needs to see a doctor to check if there's any medical problem, and you two need to try to make peace with each other. He stops the porn, you drop the old anger...and maybe you can get into your 70s as friends as well as a couple.

I'm 45, had a best friend for ten years before making another friend several years ago. I did different things with each one. They knew each other, occasionally we'd go out together.

Now my old friend has taken over the other, and they sometimes make plans without me. It feels like Grade Six!

Hurt

Rise above the schoolgirl tactics. Join them when you can, stay connected to both but dependent on neither.

I'm living at home while finishing university but my mother and I don't get along. She works from home, has few friends. When I get home from school or work, she's usually in a bad mood.

She rejects any suggestions - e.g. that she join a fitness group. She's depressed but I'm unsure what to do.

Miserable

Try to change your perceptions, and your reactions. You have a full life with home and work, which gives you choices. 1) You could stay longer at the university library to do any homework and studying, and visit with friends when you have any free time.

OR, 2) you could try to see things from Mom's view: She's still providing a home for you. Perhaps she wants more interest from you in her work, more time set aside where you two actually take a break together, even just taking a walk. Worth a try.