I’m a woman, 69, and my love is overseas.

He says he’ll start calling me every day. We text at least twice daily, and he constantly says that he "loves me until eternity."

We’ve never met. He found me online. We both agree that God brought us together, and we’ve made plans. I’m currently checking out building a house here with a real estate professional. My love wants to discuss it all with him, but I think that whatever I want, goes.

But when I’m alone, doubt creeps up. "Is this real?" I ask myself. Am I crazy to buy all this?

Also, he has a 15-year-old daughter whom he adores. I don't have any children of my own, as I’ve never been married. An instant family scares me.

What do you think?

Unsure

There are so many red flags that you need to either confront or knock down:

1.Text is quick and easy. A serious commitment calls for more intimate discussion of plans through that daily call he’s been avoiding.

2. You’re “building a house” but who’s paying? He wants in on the details and you want control. If you live together, depending on where, he may be entitled to ownership of half the house (or its proceeds) as your common-law partner, even if he contributes nothing. Talk to a lawyer about the laws in your jurisdiction.
3. Unless you become absolutely sure of his honest intentions and love, taking on a teenage daughter from another country as a novice parent who’s concerned about what’s involved, is a recipe for conflict. His daughter will naturally come first.
4. Many women in your position as a single with some financial resources and encouraged to feel a union is fated by higher powers, have been scammed.

Hold back on expenditures. Tell him you can’t afford a house now, and that you’re concerned about his daughter’s reaction to a move. Stay with that response long enough to get his full reaction and record it if there’s anything worrisome.  If so, end contact.

 

I recently became friendly with a woman I met through an online chat. We’re both late-30s, divorced and now single.

She’d married at 28 and divorced four years later. I was married for 14 years and only divorced recently.

What was shocking was that we both had our husbands say to us upon leaving, “I never really loved you.” What kind of person says such a thing?! It’s so mean and ugly.

I was a full partner to my ex, working on his financial accounts at home as he’d asked me to do, so he could be free to travel and have successes in his salesman’s job. I also researched new clients for him, thinking I was a partner to his achievements.  I also raised our daughter mostly on my own since he travelled often for work.

My friend’s husband spent most weekends with his buddies and ate dinner at his parents’ home two nights weekly for “private family time” without her.

What made those two so cold and nasty that they stamped on their wives’ hearts on their way out the door?

Deeply Hurt

Cowardice.

These self-absorbed men groomed very capable wives to look after their needs and leave them free to their own pursuits.

They know they’ve avoided the normal aspects of a marriage of true-life partners. So, they blamed their wives rather than acknowledge they’d failed at marriage.

You’re both well rid of them.

My boyfriend wants a weekend together. His roommate takes public transit to work in an office. I live with my sister, both working from home and not visiting with our older, health-compromised parents.

My boyfriend also goes to an office but has a car. My sister’s generously let him come over but hides in her room. He’s never slept over but is restless for us to have privacy.

I’m worried for everyone’s health, but I love him. Your thoughts?

Sister vs Sex

If you don’t feel safe it’ll ruin the romantic getaway so discuss it ahead. You could both get Covid tests beforehand. But you’ll still need an “after” plan. You and your sister could include him in your bubble, IF you believe he’s masked and social-distanced at work and his roommate’s equally careful.

That’s asking for a lot of safety checks. Enjoy this special post-Covid test weekend, then consider a safer plan for the future.