I’m Canadian; she’s Russian.

She found me on the online dating site and I replied.

We’ve been having a lot of email conversations, in a long-distance relationship, for one month.

She’d like to visit me in Canada.

I asked her, what if we live together in Canada forever and possibly marry? But she said her visa only allows a 90-day stay.

Should I sponsor a Russian girl, with the potential of becoming a wife?

What should I tell her?

- Husband Material

Tell her you’re both moving way too fast into unknown territory, and need to slow down.

Terms like “long-distance relationship” don’t apply. You’re strangers who’ve just started to communicate without having met, and have no idea yet as to what information is true.

Unless you’re willing to risk disappointment, legal entanglement, and financial debt, you must get to know her, IN PERSON, before you consider applying to sponsor her as an immigrant.

Take more time finding out what her goal was when she sought you out, knowing you live so far away. If still interested, let her visit on a short-term visa, with expenses shared between you.

Only afterward, should you make inquiries of your government as to what legal responsibilities you’d have as a sponsor.

My boyfriend of two years insists we’re “an exclusive couple,” yet he never takes me anywhere, and only goes out with his guy friends.

What’s wrong with this picture?

- Confused

Everything’s wrong. He’s controlling you by keeping you from dating others, and you’re letting it happen.

Show him the door.

Next time you like a guy, insist on an equal relationship that balances both your needs, not just his.

My boyfriend’s son (18) is unmotivated. He didn’t get into the college program he wanted this past fall.

He did take a computer course recently.

He’s reluctant to do anything thus far.

How do we motivate him to get a job, volunteer or anything?

The only real interest he has is his laptop. He spends most of his time in his room and is home all the time.

He has no interest in himself and little interest in going out with friends or making new ones.

He listens to no one at this point.

- Stumped

The college rejection knocked him off track, since he had no other plans.

He needs encouragement that he has skills and the ability to acquire more, and that he CAN succeed once he starts working towards some goal. He may need objective help defining that goal; this can be found through career counselling from a local community agency such as the YMCA or through educational/career consultants listed in the Yellow Pages.

Inertia is not uncommon to this age group, when caught between high school and the next phase without a clear path. So set realistic (and non-punitive) boundaries and requirements about what’s acceptable at home. For example: In order to be part of the household and have some of its benefits like meals and laundry, he must spend an agreed upon amount of daily time involved in an upgrade course, or volunteer work, job-search, or part-time job, plus participate in house chores such as yard work, etc.

Note that it can take up to a year for someone to re-set their sights and research an appropriate new course to get them going in a new direction or beef up the requirements needed for a previous goal.

My boyfriend and his ex recently chatted online. She suggested meeting up for drinks, and just catching up.

She's single.

He asked me if I was okay with it, but it honestly makes me feel uneasy.

I don't want to be the one to completely restrict him and act distrustful.

What should I do?

- Uncomfortable

Be open with him about your discomfort, but be clear that it’s based on their former intimacy and the fact that she’s still available and initiating this contact.

Be equally clear with him – and honest – if your unease is not based on any distrust of him.

Let your boyfriend then decide for himself whether to go. But if he does so, ask him to be alert to the signals she puts out for why she’s wanting to maintain a connection.

If it’s ongoing friendship she wants, you should be asked to join them next time.