My husband’s often out of work. We get by, but our budgeting leaves little or no money for chipping in for special family dinners.

At a recent Mother's Day lunch, my siblings split the bill. I came there fully prepared (and able) to contribute our share but my brother said it was covered.

I was very hurt that I wasn't even asked if I’d like to contribute. At this point, my husband’s working, so money's not as tight as before. I'm insulted that it was assumed that we couldn't pay.

Am I making too much out of this? I don't know if I should say something to my brother and sister. I know it’ll happen again, and I’d like to handle this situation without creating World War Three.

Upset

The problem is mixed messages, and they’re coming from you. Even to me, you start by saying there’s often no money for splitting costs of special family meals. So your siblings felt they were saving you from embarrassment or undue financial stress.

You say, they should’ve asked you ahead. Yet it’s a sensitive topic – obviously – and they chose to handle it this way. You may’ve felt just as insulted if they’d consulted you.

Your siblings clearly want to include you. Next time there’s a family occasion, be pro-active. Phone your brother and tell him yourself - either that you happily CAN pay a share, or cannot, but hope to be able another time.

Your brother and sister care about you. If things continue to go well for you and your husband, invite everyone to your place for a change. If not, carry on knowing you have family support when needed.

I’m 50-plus, successful, like my job and my life. My boyfriend of six years and I broke up one year ago and I’m comfortably single.

My two dear friends have started to go to bars again (we all did when single, until we were 40) but I have no interest in going at all.

My job’s super crazy stressful, so at the end of the day, all I want to do is rest and relax. They can’t understand why I’m not bored. Yes, when I was younger I was more social, but I didn’t then work 60-hours weekly.

I suggest dinner/drinks, movies, art galleries, shopping, house parties, anything, but they say, "You can’t meet men there."

Lately, they imply that I’m not the "fun, sexy, party girl" I was when I was 25-35.

It’s so disappointing that they can’t see the woman I am today who’s all that. But because I’m not going to bars and meeting men, I’m “boring” to them.

Perhaps it’s time to find new friends who have my interests, or who appreciate who I am today?

Past That Time

Find new friends… but don’t cut off the old ones. You can meet other people who share your interests by joining your local art gallery and museum, a film club, theatre support group, etc.

But even though some people can’t get past who you were 20 years ago, it’s worth staying in touch and meeting occasionally. Unless they become critical and make you feel uncomfortable.

Try inviting these two longtime friends for one of the more social events at the gallery or museum that you join. They may even find that they can meet men there, but that’s not why you invite them… it’s to try to show that you’re still interested in friendship, IF they can meet you halfway.

My parents cut my rent/food allowance in half because my girlfriend moved in with me. They’d promised to pay all for my two years of community college studying toward my chosen field.

My girlfriend has no family help, and works long hours at two jobs. She was living far away where it’s cheaper. Having her around makes my life more comfortable and taking her out much easier.

I feel like my parents are punishing me for having a girlfriend.

Unfair

You’re so lucky to have supportive parents paying to secure your future. They hoped they were helping you learn independence. Yet somehow you think they still owe you not only care and feeding, but also providing for your girlfriend to be at your side.

Grow up. She’s way ahead of you, working two jobs. But she has no call on your parents’ finances. If she lives there, she shares rent and costs.