A Reader’s Commentary “I want to share my personal experience with the young gay man who wanted to marry a woman to have a family (May 13):
“I was married for 19 years, now divorced for ten. In my mid-20s, someone tried to match-make me.
“I thought it wouldn't hurt to have a female friend, and we clicked.
“I had no performance issues with her because I had a very strong sex drive.
“Soon after we had premarital sex, I told her I was gay. She didn't want to see me again, but I persisted.
“For various compelling reasons, including the possibility of having children, we married within six months.
“She thought she was going to change me.
“I took my relationship seriously, but I always considered myself a married gay man.
“Never once did I tell myself that I was bi-sexual.
“We have two children together, who are now in their 20s. She lost interest in sex when the kids were in their teens.
“I was always grumpy. I wanted to remain loyal, but the desire to have gay sex was consuming me.
“We made an arrangement to maintain a convenience marriage. A year or two later, she called a lawyer.
“The separation was acrimonious. I tried very hard but she just wanted more and more.
“Custody and support of the children was never an issue though. At the end, she received a very generous settlement from me, worth far more than what was required by law.
“I’ve since been in a relationship with a divorced man of similar age. All my family and my children know about it and have accepted it well.
“I continued to be nice to my ex. It took a long time, but she has stopped hating me, so we are now friends. I find myself a happier person and consider myself fortunate.
“Even though I tell myself that I don't regret having got married, I wouldn't say I would do it again.
“It is not just about a selfish desire to have children.
“It is about your happiness, your partner's well-being, and the children you bring into this world.
“The world is a much different place than 30 years ago - many jurisdictions now allow gay couples to have children through surrogacy or adoption.
“So why engage in an experiment that's going to ruin your life and others’?”
Reader #2 – “One of my daughters is gay and married to a lovely woman. They've been together 15 years.
“Early in their relationship, they decided they wanted to have a child.
“They also wanted their child to have fathers as well as mothers. They set about finding a suitable male couple who wanted the same thing.
“Eventually my daughter gave birth to a daughter. A couple of years later, all four parents agreed that they wanted another child and my daughter-in-law gave birth to a son.
“The children are now aged 12 and 10. This is a most remarkable family and the four parents have always worked together raising the children.
“The dads are involved in every aspect of the children's life, and the children spend time in both homes. They have a very large family circle of grandparents (four sets), aunts, uncles and cousins. Their lives are very fulfilling and happy, and the children are highly intelligent and very well adjusted.
“I hope the man who wrote to you finds an equally satisfying and fulfilling life, without feeling he has to marry a woman to achieve it.
What’s a girl's period? How do I stop looking at porn?
Confused in Colorado
I assume that you’re young and haven’t been informed about how the human body works and reproduces.
Being capable with the Internet to find porn, search “period” online, which refers to a female’s monthly time of menstruation.
It relates to how females can get pregnant and grow a baby, if they choose, through having sex.
Babies need love and care, but porn is about sex only, not about love or making babies.
It’s a huge money-making business creating images that hook people into watching. The images are often extreme and shocking.
It’s a crude and unrealistic view of sex.
It may arouse you, but excessive porn-watching keeps you from developing friendships and erodes self-confidence.
Get outside, be with people, get fit, and you’ll feel good about yourself for having stopped/prevented a porn addiction.
Tip of the day:
What matters most in raising children is a healthy, loving environment.