It's coming up to my five-year anniversary with my common-law partner. When we met in our late 20's, I said I wanted kids because I thought I would, that all women do. He did too.

I assumed that by my mid-30s my clock would be ticking... but it's not. Not at all. I love kids and have a need to nurture but I don't want to sacrifice my freedom, put myself last, or change anything about my life. I don't think this is selfish but if I keep my feelings to myself until the last minute, it will be a selfish move to not be upfront.

However, if I confess this to my partner I'm sure he'll say "wait and see," but at what point do I know for SURE?! At age 38? Or 40?

I'm pretty sure if I put my foot down and say "no kids" it will spell the end of the relationship.

Torn

Do what you already know is the right thing: Speak up, and discuss your feelings. Not doing so is more than selfish.... since you're already pretty sure about this decision, it's actually deceitful to delay revealing it to someone who's your life "partner."

Also, the longer you delay re-opening the topic with him, the more he'll feel - IF he wants kids so much that it's a deal-breaker - that you've abused his trust and wasted his time.

There's nothing selfish about not wanting to have children. No child should be raised by disinterested parents. Follow your own instinct but give your partner a chance to follow his.

My brother and sister-in-law invited our family for Christmas dinner at their home. My daughter's very allergic to dogs and cats, so I asked if their dog was going to be in the house when we were there. They said yes, it is the dog's home and their daughter (my niece) would be bringing her dog as well!

I replied: "Then we have a problem joining you due to the allergy situation." They said it was up to us to come or not. This hurt our feelings and my daughter is now upset, as are we. We did not go and met them all the next day at my mother's home for lunch.

Since then, their daughter has become engaged and has a bridal shower coming up soon. Both my wife and daughter refuse to attend and plan on sending a gift. I support their decision.

However, I feel this will divide the family and cause a lot of turmoil going forward. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Family Divide

If at all possible, family harmony is a far healthier atmosphere than people digging in their heels on an incident, so long as the people involved aren't constantly picking fights or making life miserable.

Some folks are sincerely as attached to their pets as others are to their children. Naturally, your family's hurt and the relationship has been affected by this incident.

There are ways to deal with it in future, such as knowing ahead that you can't visit at their home (or anyone else's that will affect your daughter's allergies). So you pre-empt a standoff by having people to your place (no pets invited) or meeting again at Mom's or even a restaurant.

A wedding, however, is a special celebration and a significant social event where families should pull together. Don't stay away.

My husband's been having a four-year emotional affair that he says isn't harmful because it's long-distance (they've met). He refuses to end it, saying they've broken no vows, betrayed no one, though he's admitted they both regret not having met sooner, and had a child together!

He refuses to separate or divorce, and says I should

"stop wallowing in jealousy" because he's still here.

The relationship has added colour to their lives, he says,

while my talk of leaving proves that I don't love him, our child, or grandchildren.

Left Colourless

If you can't change your husband's cold, cruel attitude, consider more closely what changes you can make for your own betterment. See a lawyer and learn your legal and financial rights. (You may find it necessary to tell your adult child about your isolation in the marriage, before his father tells a different story... but do NOT ask a child to choose sides).