My son, 33, is in the process of purchasing a house and he’s going along with his girlfriend’s choice. But that house is not on a bus route, and I fear he may become very isolated due to his diabetes and related seizures since age 15. He’s unable to drive. While living with me, I’ve driven him to and from work.

His girlfriend thinks I’ll continue this, but I've said no, it’s too far away and I also work.

She’s 30, still living at her mother’s, and desperate to move out. She calls him constantly and they have enormous fights over things she perceives as slights.

He’s no longer permitted to talk to longtime female friends – some since high school - and she’s stopped him from seeing some of his male friends. She appears extremely jealous, manipulative, selfish, and very insecure.

She doesn’t want anything to do with me though I’ve not done anything to her.

I've invited her to dinner but she’s always too busy. What can I do?

Worried

Join her, don’t fight her, or she’ll isolate him from you, too. She’s clearly a controller, and for now, this may even make him feel safe with her. You want to stay connected, because one day he may wake up and want to get out from under her thumb.

Do not oppose her choice; just show concern for how they’ll BOTH manage. Ask how he’s going to continue to get to work and whether she’ll drive him herself. Be helpful, not critical.

Offer to go with her to look for houses with similar niceties that are accessible to transportation. Stress that the final choice has to be theirs.

Then back off, Mom, so he can deal with her himself.

I'm a young (mid 20s), not-out, bisexual man in the "confused" stages of my sexuality. I've been "seeing" a much older man (mid 40s). He used to commute to my city every week. We’d "hook up" once every few months since we worked for the same company.

Recently, he's moved here. I have feelings for him but know that he’s "seeing" someone else who’s older than me.

It hurts me to hear that his "friend" has stayed the night, or they're going on a date.

I’ve even had thoughts of vandalism, since I have no one to vent to, I'm still closet-locked, and I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Our frequency is rare, we chat online and text, but I feel like a "booty call" whenever I go over, and then feel bitter and used once it's all done.

Sidelined

Forget “vandalism” or any other vengeful thoughts, which can ruin your own life.

Though hard to accept, you’ve both “used” each other, and enjoyed it. The relationship protected your chosen anonymity and provided him with a young sex partner.

It’s over, and time to gain confidence in who you are and how you’ll live and have future relationships.

PFLAG – Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays – helps people struggling with issues of sexual orientation and gender identity. See www.pflag.org.

FEEDBACK Regarding the writer’s late mom having left her wedding rings to her now-deceased sister (July 12):

Reader – “The writer apparently wants her mom`s wedding ring to give to her daughter when she marries soon. If the ring isn’t passed on to her at request, she could ask to have the ring appraised by a jeweller and buy it from her brother-in-law at market value or negotiate the price.”

What can a spouse do if their partner’s a depressed, angry, (and sometimes frightening) alcoholic? He refuses to see our family doctor, or a therapist. He has no friends or other family.
This has been going on for years, but has recently escalated. We’ve been married for over 40 years.
Is there anything I can do to get him help?
Distraught

Help yourself and get to an Al-Anon group meeting to find support and information about living with an alcoholic spouse. It’s a start to being pro-active, about your own safety when he’s frightening, and your options if the situation worsens.

You’ll also learn the various routes to getting him help. But if he won’t go to see anyone in the helping professions, or join Alcoholics’ Anonymous, his own path may eventually lead to a hospital when he’s at his lowest. If there’s anyone he respects who can tell him this, make it happen.