I just found out that my new boyfriend (we’ve been together for three months) is going to be a dad, OBVIOUSLY not with me. He was dating a woman before he and I met. We talked about our most recent past, and he told me that he really liked this woman but for whatever reason, the relationship just wasn’t getting off the ground. And so, after six months, they decided to end things.

We met barely a month later, and from our first chance meeting at a coffee shop, we’ve basically been together. There has been no suspicious activity, no communication with his ex, as far as I can tell, and I’ve really been enjoying getting to know him.

Now he doesn’t know what to do – with the ex, the baby, or me! Unfortunately for both he and the ex, this pregnancy was unplanned and she only just realized (so she says) that she’s pregnant and it’s too late to change the course of nature. I say unfortunately because I don’t think a baby is what either of them wanted at this point, but I don’t know.

What should I do?

Too many

If your boyfriend and his ex had a strong relationship, they would still be together. They’re not. But with a baby on the way, they may try to make things work and become a family. You need to graciously bow out. It’s going to hurt but it’s the right thing to do.

Let them figure out this life changing turn of events without you as another factor. If they decide together, or individually, that the relationship isn’t going to work, and then he comes back to you, that’s fine. Depending on many variables, you may or may not be interested. Just know that this guy now comes with a baby and a baby mama, not just an ex.

A very good friend of mine just started a new job and she’s happy beyond belief. She tells me all about her coworkers and how fantastic they all are. Recently, she invited me for coffee with her work bestie, a lovely woman who moved here from Australia.

I went to meet them and had the strangest experience. For starters, this lovely woman is a man. I’m not transphobic, but he hasn’t made any attempt at changing other than his clothing choices. I was surprised that my friend didn’t mention this to me. Also, his voice kept changing from this high falsetto to a deep, deep growl.

And lastly, he kept touching my leg under the table! I ran out complaining of a stomach ache and have avoided my friend’s calls. What do I say to her?

Confused?

I have a lot to learn about the LGBTQ2S+ community, and this encounter would have been very confusing for me as well. I understand that some people have a harder time understanding sexual identity that strays from the cisgender “norm.” It doesn’t mean they don’t accept people for who they are, but the blurred lines are hard for some people to fully comprehend.

Talk to your friend. Be open and honest. Above everything else, her friend made you uncomfortable by sexually harassing you.

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