My wonderful, caring husband and I share a loving, peaceful relationship. BUT, we do argue about his family. He comes from a very dysfunctional household and his divorced parents’ operating style generally involves guilt tripping, control, angry outbursts and inappropriate behaviour.      
      They’ve made our lives more difficult and we both find them challenging to be around.        
      I come from a fairly functional, loving, intact family and my parents never cease to make our lives easier and more enjoyable whenever we visit.      
      My husband finds his parents very frustrating and enjoys being a valued part of my family. I don't think he realized how dysfunctional his family was until he met mine and saw the differences.      
      However, I find myself lashing out at my husband over issues with his family and sometimes I have trouble keeping a lid on my resentment over having to spend time with his challenging relations.       
      I know it’s not his fault, but I can't help feeling resentful that he’s brought these totally exasperating people into my life. Please give me strategies to deal with this.
      - Totally Frustrated

Strategy #1 – Look to your own parents’ example. IF they’re truly a loving, intact couple, they likely faced any problems and worked together on solutions.     
      You need to be firmly on your husband’s team by agreeing on what you two will and will not accept from these relatives.      
      Remember, too, that this realization of their dysfunction is hard on him, even embarrassing. It’s a call for compassion for him on this issue, not confrontation.
      Strategy #2: Re-read your letter while standing before a mirror. I’m hoping you’ll recognize that your own concept of “functional” appears somewhat skewed when you’ve allowed yourself the indulgence of  “resenting” Hubby for something he can’t control and lashing out at him for it.      
      You must’ve met his parents before marrying him and could’ve run from the relationship, or prepared yourself for the situation.      
      The more constructive steps for you as a couple are to decide together how to limit in-law contact to a minimum.

I was married to an abusive, controlling man for three years; we’ve been separated for three years. He has custody of our daughter, 4, and plans to move two hours away so that I can’t see her.      
      Also, he ignores my requests to return the belongings I left behind. Is he allowed to take her so far away and to hold my belongings?      
      I’ve tried hard to be nice to him and keep him informed when she’s with me (every weekend from Friday to Monday). She’s in daycare weekdays, living with him. I want my daughter to live with my boyfriend and me.
      - Trying Hard

While you’re naturally disturbed that he might move your daughter further away, your own plan to have her live with you full-time is likely scaring your ex.     
      Get legal advice and/or seek mediation. In many custody agreements, neither parent can move a child to a distant location without permission. Yet, two hours is an inconvenience, not an impasse. If he’s allowed to move there, you and the girl’s father could meet halfway for pick-ups.     
      As for changing the agreement to have her live with you, this will be harder to achieve if the current plan works for the child.      
      Remember, her father is as concerned as you are about losing frequent contact. You two need to negotiate as equally caring parents without pulling the child in two directions.

Dear Readers – One response to critical in-laws who can’t understand their adult child’s choice of partner:
“Thirty years ago, my brother was in love with a woman we all hated. We believed she only wanted to marry him because he was a doctor. For several years I maintained a relationship with my brother while disliking his wife.
“I figured I’d eventually be there to help pick up the pieces when things failed. BOY, WERE WE ALL WRONG! She turned out to be the most amazing, caring, fiercely loyal wife, mother and friend.
“My parents weren’t kind, yet she was warm and generous because they were her husband's parents. Still, with my mother having dementia, she’s kind and helpful and does what a daughter would do.
“She supports my brother and makes his life easier (he does the same for her). I now admire her and strive to be more like her.”