My boyfriend’s parents are kind of cool and kind of not so cool. They said that I could spend time at their house, knowing that we are engaging in intimate bahviour, but then they make rude comments all the time. My boyfriend told me that his mom got angry with him for leaving our “wipe up” towel under his bed. But where else would we leave it? He wanted to fold it nicely on his night table, but I thought his mom wouldn’t want to see it.

Also, last week, we didn’t know they were home, and we came downstairs looking for snacks. I was wearing my boyfriend’s T-shirt (only) and he was in underwear, and she yelled at us to put clothes on. How were we supposed to know they had guests over?

I can’t talk to my mom about any of this because she doesn’t know that I’m spending most of my time at my boyfriend’s house. She wouldn’t approve. So, I tell her I’m at a friend’s or studying at the library. Anyway, how do we deal with his parents?

Unkind Kindness

First things first, you need to have a talk with your own parents. You cannot continue lying to them. Your mom may not approve of your sexual behaviour, but she will not approve of you doing whatever you’re doing behind her back.

Also, I think your boyfriend’s parents are way cooler than you think. My parents would have never let my boyfriend’s stay over when I was your age, nor would they have let me stay at my boyfriend’s. I asked around and all my peers agree. I also asked my friends who have kids, and still, everyone agrees that your boyfriend’s parents are cooler than anyone we know.

But please, don’t treat their home like a dirty motel. They obviously care about their son, know what you two are up to, and would rather you be safe than looking for places to be private. Now show them the respect and gratitude they deserve. Because if you don’t, they may change their minds and then you two will have nowhere to go.

I’m desperately trying to get my teenage daughter off her phone and reading. She used to be an avid reader up to and including grade eight. After that, she just stopped and her phone became glued to her hand. We have house rules regarding phone usage, but we’re not together 24/7 and I can’t control her behaviour when she’s not home.

What are some tricks you can suggest that will get her eyes off her phone and her nose in a book?

Illiterate Offspring

If your daughter was reading until eighth grade and she’s a teenager, I’m calculating that’s when COVID-19 hit our planet. If I’m right, your daughter isn’t alone.

Reading is a wonderful activity to cancel out the hustle and bustle of the daily grind. When COVID hit, and our worlds collapsed inward, many people stopped reading. No one needed “quiet time” – everyone was desperate for social time. And for kids, the only way to be social was through their phones. I know many young girls who spent hours creating TikTok dance videos to share with their friends, or makeup tutorials, or Get Ready with Me videos (even though they had nowhere to go).

Now that time is over, depending on when it hit, some people just lost the love of reading. Make a deal with her, involving her phone and her social life. For example, no phones at dinner, or during homework time. Short period allowed followed by same amount of time reading before bed. And find a book you know will interest her. Be patient. She’s young.

In the meantime, I recommend reading Jonathan Haidt’s “The Anxious Generation.” He is doing cutting-edge research on the shocking effects of social media and phone usage on young brains.

FEEDBACK Regarding bereft mom and her daughter’s eating disorder (Jan. 12):

Reader – “This letter could have been me 14 years ago. Our daughter was 18 with all the same symptoms. Many programs require significant costs as they aren’t covered by OHIP. Some insurance plans may cover a small portion.  However, there are hospital-based programs that are covered.  They’re woefully underfunded with few spots, but worth trying to get in. She’ll need a doctor's referral.

“There are other non-profit organizations who provide help. It’s essential that this mother get educated about this disorder, which has the highest mortality rate of all psychological illnesses. Family support is critical. Join a support group, attend webinars and read science-based books to learn how to support, until her daughter is willing to get treatment.  Unfortunately, it can be a long wait and forcing them to go will rarely succeed.

“Don’t give up hope. Our daughter is now living a healthy life.”