I’ve been seeing a married man for ten-plus years. It began innocently when I was 18.
But he took it to the next level after years of dating off and on. And years of fighting not only with him, but also with myself for being in this situation, as we had a child.
He promised me repeatedly that he’d end his marriage, but didn’t.
I now see him as a coward. Not only did he lie to his wife, but also he misled me.
All I ever wanted was a husband, a few kids, and a happy home. Now it seems that’ll never come to pass.
I feel for the wife and family, yet I also want to be selfish.
His wife has known about me for years.
But she recently found out about our daughter.
My biggest problem is that he wasn't the one to tell her. She threw him out of their home and now he’s living with me.
But when we butt heads, he picks up his things and leaves, making me feel like trash.
I don't want to live this way. I want to live without the fear that I’m being spied on by the jealous wife or horrid kids. What am I to do?
Want My Sanity Back
It’s over. You’re “butting heads” because you can’t stomach that he only left his wife because he got caught in a double life.
His ex realized that raising a second family is even more of a betrayal than cheating.
Of course, no matter how he took your relationship to the next level, you did take the risk of being with a married man. For ten years.
Your daughter matters most now. Calling his other kids “horrid” shows that you’ve lost your perspective and need to turn this situation around.
He must contribute to your daughter’s support and you need legal advice to make sure this happens, in a matter that’s in her best interest.
His marriage is likely over, too.
If so, think through whether you can re-gain love and respect together or you’re better off on your own.
Lately, I've been re-considering a friendship of 20 years.
I used to call “M” my best friend but she’s now always too busy working and never has time to meet.
She rarely texts me, never calls, and I barely see her - maybe once a year - though we live in the same city!
When I text her about meeting she changes topic and quickly ends the messaging. She says I’m her best friend but I don't feel valued or cared about.
I once took a day off work because she said we could spend the day together - a rare occasion. She ended up being unavailable until 5pm. That hurt.
Am I just holding on because of the length of the friendship? Her birthday is soon and I'm wondering if I should message her or not.
Either she IS unusually busy to not get together for a whole year, or she’s distancing for some other reason. Other closer friendships? A romance? Personal problems?
A “best friend” usually shares that kind of information.
Her birthday gives you the chance to “re-consider” with her.
Send her a Happy Birthday message. Then call her. Say that you miss getting together and point out that it’s been a year.
If she brushes you off or makes no attempt to meet, she’s no best friend.
My son moved out with his girlfriend. They fought this year about spending time with her family as they’ve previously always spent time with his family.
But he didn’t want to leave me alone at Christmas.
I feel blessed that he cares, but I wanted to stay home.
On Thanksgiving, we went to his half-sister’s home and he wanted me to go there again at Christmas.
Yet he hadn’t even asked me what I wanted to do!
Now I’m mad and guilty at the same time.
Happy Home Alone
Lucky you to have a son who doesn’t want you to be lonely on your own!
It’s not clear, but you apparently did spend Christmas with him.
For the future, tell him that you’re happy to see him and his partner Christmas Eve, or Boxing Day. They can also split other holiday times between both their families.
Be clear that it’s what you prefer.
Tip of the day:
When an illicit affair blows up, focus on your child’s best interests and your future.