My husband had a month-long affair; he met her at the casino. I hate the machines so I didn't go. He works hard so I figured he needed time to relax there. I never thought this could happen, after 41 years.

I love him dearly; he was always so good and kind to me. Why did it happen? He said it "just happened," but he still loves me, so he stopped seeing her. I believe him because he's showing me how much he loves me again, even more so.

But Ellie, during that month we communicated by notes because we couldn't talk without yelling. He wrote that he loved me but had strong feelings for her. I re-read the notes when I'm feeling down. I can't let the anger in me go.

Still Heartbroken

Burn the notes. They're barely a blip in your long, loving marriage. You wouldn't save the record of times you argued, of incidents when you were stubborn and difficult, etc. This is now clearly over, so let it go.

You're understandably angry that it happened, but it's unhealthy and counter-productive to nurture that anger when he ended things so quickly, and is constantly proving his love.

Yes, he made a huge mistake, but it's an alert to you both. Find ways to relax together doing things that you both enjoy. He obviously likes the buzz of a crowd, so look for some alternatives - bingo, bowling, the racetrack, whatever. Put fun into your time together, and heal.

I've always loved my husband of four years unconditionally but he's always put his family before me.

When they're not around, he's devoted to our son and me. But when they're present, it's as if I don't exist. His parents live in India and visit us during winter and summer holidays. We can't travel anywhere on our five days' holidays because they live with us for one month.

His brother's getting married in India during holiday time. I'll be six months pregnant and don't think it's safe for the baby or me to travel 14 hours, twice, within our five days' off work. He wants to make his family happy.

These are the only holidays before the second baby arrives. I feel I'll never be important for him. Am I right?

Sad

Talk to your doctor - you must decide about the flight, with the health of you and your baby as the priority. It's highly likely a physician will advise against so much travel in so short a time. If so, stay home.

But do NOT make your husband choose between staying or attending his brother's wedding, unless you're ill or can't be alone. He'll be torn inside and resentful if he misses it, unless you're in dire need of him.

Arrange for company and activities with your son along with friends, and relatives while he's gone, and don't feel sorry for yourself and complain about it. He'll appreciate greatly your support and know exactly how important you are.

What about his support of you? Well, he's "devoted" the majority of the time, but has a strong sense of family duty. For next winter, suggest you all travel somewhere for the five days' holidays, even to a nearby affordable place, to enjoy the vacation spirit.

Soon you can suggest the grandparents' baby-sit for a night, maybe more, while you two have a couples' break. That's also "family time" for his parents. Work with your husband on this.

My daughter's been in a ten-year relationship. They got engaged in 2008, planned a spring wedding for 2010, but kept postponing it until the "groom" admitted he was not ready.

Yet the relationship's still continuing with both back in the same old pattern. I believe that my daughter doesn't have the courage to break it off and move forward. When I mention my concern, a wall goes up. They're both in their 30s, living at home.

Helpless

You can't hand over courage. But maybe you've handed over so many other things, like indulgence by letting her live under your roof indefinitely. She clearly has serious fears of moving forward.

Ignore "the wall" and speak firmly of her need for independence. It's your home, and you have a right to set boundaries and timelines for her to move out.

So long as she relies on you, she won't push this guy to commit or forget it.