I’m mid-30s, have two kids, and a university degree. I changed careers because of some health issues.

Now I’m a third-year full-time Engineering student. My husband’s the only provider; we struggle financially. My older child blames me for postponing a house purchase.

Every day’s a marathon: prepare lunches, take one kid to school, another across town with two transit transfers to day care, attend university, pick up each kid, take them to sports and activities, then dinner, bed time, and do my homework until two or three in the morning.

With two more years to go.

I love what I’m studying, and look forward to working. My husband helps a lot.

However, no one else thinks I’m doing the right thing. Friends with PhDs, or high-level positions, stopped communicating because I became poor. Even my mom doesn’t understand. I feel isolated, and am getting depressed.

Professors, though, are very friendly, and supportive. I’m not the only mature student but the only woman in my group. Have I made a poor decision?

Marathon Mother

Households, in which a parent furthers their education, generally benefit over time. Children see ambition and determination, couples forge a proud team, and ultimately there are rewards – financial, intellectual, personal satisfaction.

But your schedule IS very demanding and fatiguing. Try to lighten the load…e.g. husband taking the day-care child one-way, or finding another parent to share this task. Enlist Mom for whatever’s possible… making a dinner, taking over a bedtime routine, etc. Encourage her to be part of the family effort.

The more people involved, the less isolated you’ll feel. Tell your fellow students of some of your routines (without complaining) and they might also have good ideas, such as group projects.

Above all, boost your sense of well-being. You love your family, love the studies, and have a valuable goal. Stay positive.

I’m 55, widowed four years ago. For three years I’ve been dating a man (alias “John”) who hasn’t been well accepted by my adult children, who have families of their own.

My son’s trying to accept it, but my daughter and her partner are outwardly hostile and unkind towards this man.

“John” is more street-smart than book smart. He’s kind, loving, and affectionate and would do anything for my children or me.

Unfortunately, he does lack social graces and often says inappropriate things that have offended some family members.

When we met, I was very sad and lonely without my husband of 31 years. I waver between feeling love and feeling irritated with him, and wishing I wasn't so involved with him.

He doesn’t have much of a life outside of mine; he loves me, and wants to marry me. I feel very stuck and unsure of my true feelings.

Pressured and Uncertain

Put your daughter’s judgment totally aside, and consider ONLY your own feelings.

A union that doesn’t feel right is also very lonely; so you need to be sure that YOU want to spend the rest of your life with him, not just respond to what he wants.

Once you make your choice, either way, deal with your daughter and her partner.

Tell her that you believe her concern for you and her own grief coloured her opinions, but snobbishness and rudeness are unacceptable.

Tell her what parents learn when children date – the more they disapprove, the more the child defends and stays close to that person.

Tell her your decision on John, or anyone else, will be based solely on your own response to how he suits you.

FEEDBACK Regarding the husband frustrated with his wife's untidiness (Sept. 29):

Reader – “He should consider that perhaps his wife has Attention Deficit Disorder. One of the many symptoms is an impairment of executive functions in the brain. A person, although very bright, might have difficulty with organization and with carrying tasks through to completion.

“This person may come up with all the great ideas but needs someone else to carry them out. The fact that the wife was messy and untidy as a child is further indication that she might have ADD.

“A diagnosis can allow all concerned to realize that a person with ADD must struggle much harder to do things that a non-ADD person can do easily.

“He might have to accept that he has to be the family organizer and, as you note, focus on her strengths and the positive things she contributes to the family.”