For five years, my boyfriend and I had maintained our own homes but were almost ready to live together permanently; we were active in our local church.
He’d remained friends with his ex-wife who’d remarried. She and her husband would stay with my boyfriend while visiting us.
Then, she had a stroke that left her unable to work or drive; she had difficulty speaking. She’s also an alcoholic, which was a factor, plus infidelity and abuse, in his divorcing her.
Recently, she contacted him that her husband was abusing her and she needed a break. When she arrived, she said she’d left him and has nowhere else to go. She moved in as lady of the house.
Her husband said she’s left him broke with medical bills and gambling debts. He doesn't want her back, nor does her family.
Now my guy’s into deep codependency with her.
How can bad baggage return and make someone give up his or her peace and current partner?
I have to give him space to discover the consequences of his decision, but is our relationship damaged forever?

- Left Behind

Whatever his reasons for sliding back into this unhealthy relationship, you’re handling it appropriately. He’s the one who has to wake up, recognize what he’s done, and break the pattern… if he can.
However, it’ll take time and work to re-capture the stable relationship you had. You’ll likely have doubts and easily mistrust him.
Any relationship with his ex would have to be at a distance, and you’d have to be assured it was only about helping her survive with no other ties.
I’d recommend strongly that you seek counselling together, before any re-commitment. A pastoral counsellor of your faith might help your boyfriend understand why he got caught up with her again, and help you both move forward.

I left my son, age five, with my mom and sister for a two-hour break. We all have an excellent relationship.
Later, Mom said he’d misbehaved, and my sister told him to "apologize or she’d tell his mom.” He did apologize, but I have a problem with my sister using me as a consequence.
Mom thinks I’m over-reacting and that they handled it appropriately. She’s mortified that I may talk to my sister about it.
I said, while I appreciate them looking after him, the message delivered was wrong--he should be apologizing regardless of the consequences and I should know about it, so I can discuss respect and courtesy with him at a later date.
Your thoughts?

- Annoyed

You have a good approach on raising your own child to help him learn respect, and understand the consequences of misbehaviour. With consistent parenting like this, your son’s in good hands.
However, when you place him in other hands – even for a short while – you can’t expect others to know your methods unless you discuss this beforehand.
Your sister’s response, though misguided, was neither unkind nor punitive.
If you want babysitters, family or outsiders, to respond as you would, it’s up to you to educate them. This should be done over time, not as an angry reaction.
You can still talk to your child about the kind of behaviour he showed.
You could also raise the topic with your sister and your mom as part of telling them about your talk with him… and then outline your preferred response. But don’t harp on this minor incident – not if you want your family to stay interested and involved.

Whenever my girlfriend and I argue, she hangs up or ends the conversation. When we're at each other’s house, she’ll leave.
How can I explain to her that she can't keep running away from arguments that mature people work on the issue rather than let emotions boil overnight?
What's she going to do when we eventually live together?

- The Rational Guy

You both need to learn how to fight.
SHE needs to recognize that running away solves nothing.
YOU need to recognize that “explaining” how she must behave, puts her into a child-like position with you acting as parent. So she becomes a child, and runs.
Next time there’s an argument, state your case but don’t push her to accept it. Listen to her side and come up with a possible compromise. Ask her to do likewise.
You’re both not ready to live together till you can handle this.