Just before my younger sister's wedding ceremony, I "caught" a groomsman being disrespectful behind my father's back.

I calmly reminded him of my father's request to lay off the pre-ceremony shots.

Later, my husband overheard this same groomsman making rude comments about my appearance and weight to his buddies!

While very hurt, I didn’t want to cause any further drama.

Following the wedding, I told my sister what had transpired.

Now, a few years later, he’ll be attending my niece's birthday party and I feel sick! How can I handle this with class?

I feel incredibly anxious to face this man (who doesn’t know his comments were overheard) and betrayed that my sister would invite him.

Hurt Again

Speak to your sister. Though it doesn’t excuse him, it’s evident that alcohol was fuelling his rude behaviour.

He’s clearly a friend of hers, so ask if he still has loose lips when he drinks. Remind her how offended you were by his insulting remarks.

Hopefully, she can reassure you that it’s a large enough party that you can avoid him, or that she’ll handle it in some way.

Otherwise, steer clear of him.

However, I wonder why your husband repeated his putdowns to you…..

I’m hoping he now understands that was unwise. So you could ask him to make sure this time that he handles any mis-step from this guy.

My son and his lovely bride-to-be are getting married soon. They’ve carefully planned every detail of the event of their dreams.

A family relative will be celebrating their 40th anniversary that same month.

Their adult son wants to ask the wedding DJ to play a special song and call up his parents for a spotlight dance during the evening.

He also wants to ask the wedding photographer to take posed photos of the couple with their adult children and spouses.

I’m opposed, but it’s my husband's side of the family and he’s afraid to cause hurt feelings.

He argues that it’d be a perfect way for guests who are their family or friends to celebrate with them.

I’ve offered to help the couple's children host a reception for their parents (but not the week before or after the wedding (I’d be too stressed).

They objected - out-of-town family couldn’t travel twice in a short time-period, too expensive, not enough time to book a venue, etc.

My husband and I are paying for most of the wedding. The bride’s willing to accept his request for my husband’s sake, but prefers having the day as her own.

Whose Special Day?

Your offer to help host a reception was very generous. The arguments against have some validity, too.

But the adult son seems determined to take advantage of the wedding event.

Your future daughter-in-law is very thoughtful.

Yet there are strong hints that the son isn’t above hi-jacking a larger part of the event, once he’s got the microphone.

If this seems likely to you, then some suggestions:

Insist that the photos of the couple and their relatives be taken before the ceremony. Once the ceremony starts, it’s the bridal couple’s day.

Your husband should be the one to announce the special anniversary dance, not their son.

It should not happen until after the bride and groom, and immediate family have had their special dances. (Instruct the DJ ahead).

Think this through. IF I’m over-reading your concerns, then going along with his request can be acceptable so long as it’s your husband who controls the announcement.

A girl that I like wants me to sleep with her, but I don't think I'm ready to have sex with her. What should I tell her?

Too Soon

Tell her that her request will push you away, instead of making you closer.

Tell her you like her and want to get to know her better, to enjoy each other’s company, and share the things you each like to do.

But you’re “not ready” for sleeping together because you like her too much to make this just about sex.

Tell her that if she thinks rushing into sex is like making a commitment, she’s wrong.

Sex is just physical unless you’ve built a connection based on your both having feeling an emotional bond. You want to care for each other, not just score.

If she doesn’t understand you, this may not be the girl for you. Focusing on sex makes her seem more needy than caring.