My husband lost a job, again. He stopped looking for work, just stays home drinking beer. I hate going home to the mess and his moods.

My co-worker noticed my sadness, and has been very kind. Recently, we both confessed feelings for each other. He’s married to a depressive. We feel entitled to grab some happiness together.

We’ve agreed to not hurt our children with a divorce, just enjoy the affair while it lasts.

My Reality

Reality Check: Affairs DO negatively affect your kids, even if the cheating isn’t revealed.

Here’s why - you’re distracted from them. You’re also cooler and distant from your husband anyway. They sense this, too.

And, instead of you working with him, helping the kids not be affected by HIS moods, and drinking, you’re frolicking elsewhere.

Yes, the reality is that affairs do happen, especially in circumstances like yours. Just know that it’s fleeting happiness, and can cause long-term consequences with the kids. Then at least you’re aware of the fallout as well as risks.

For many years, I put up with my husband's alcoholism, verbal, mental, and emotional abuse.

We never knew what he’d be like after coming home from a night of drinking… if he came home.

From my parents, I inherited a very little money, with which I paid off his debts, accumulated without my knowledge or consent (even if I left him, I’d still be responsible for paying the bulk of it, according to the lawyer I consulted).

He’d constantly belittle me in front of others. He always sabotaged my friendships and even the jobs I once held.

We live in a rural town, where there aren’t many employment opportunities, and my children were already well established in their school and extra-curricular routines, so I stayed.

Now that we’re financially established with the business I helped him create and maintain (working 20 years without a paid salary), I'm not willing to give it up.

I can't support myself on a minimum wage job 15 hours weekly, without benefits, which is the best I can get here, and I don't want to start over in some unfamiliar city, where rent is high.

Legally, I own everything, as he has such poor credit and had so many brushes with the law; everything had to be put in my name.

I've told him he's free to pursue other women sexually, but he probably won't, because the alcoholism has created performance issues.

He blames me for this, publicly, and refuses to see a doctor.

I gave up on trying to get him to go to counselling or Alcoholics’ Anonymous.

We own two residences, so I’m only with him when absolutely necessary, such as a graduation, family wedding, or funeral.

I’ve learned to enjoy life on my own terms. My children fully support my choices.

It’s My Life

A tough story with tough choices. Not everyone could hang in as you did, because you paid a high price both privately and publicly.

However, you’ve come out the other side of this story with self-confidence, earned comforts, and conviction that you did the right thing for yourself and your now adult children.

Could you’ve been happier if you’d gone away with them years back, to a life without the chaos and hurts their father caused? It was a gamble you weren’t willing to take. But I’m sure you and many readers can better understand now why people make such decisions.

My parents believe they won $2.5 million despite having never bought the lottery tickets. A cheque for $3,100 arrived in the mail, which they deposited. They were told to wire $1,500 immediately, then another $1,000.

They would’ve been bilked another $500 but their bank manager questioned them and heard the story.

The scammers had apparently been calling them for several years. This time they went ahead - they’re feeling financially strained - hoping this was the miracle they needed.
My sister and I explained how a fake cheque works. They’ve been duped, previously.

Yet they’re angry with us for interfering and “ruining everything.” How do we handle the strain on our relationship with them?

Concerned Sisters

Get the bank manager, and police, to say how lucky they are to escape with money intact, by recounting other people’s losses from such scams.

Ignore their anger (hurt pride?); keep showing loving support, and offer help where most needed.