I love my wife very much, we have three kids together, plus one child when on my own, and two from a previous relationship.
I had recently joined an adult website, used it for a short period, and was charged for it.
My wife has taken back her wedding ring.
We've not had any sex for some time. That's why I joined. She thinks that I'm having an affair, but I’m not.
I feel badly about it but I feel there's no way I can get her to trust me again.
Do you think she’ll give me another chance or should I just throw in the towel? I’m through with adult websites.
- Made a Mistake
For a guy with children involving different mothers, you play pretty fast and loose with the image of “trust.” This may’ve led to reasons why you two weren’t having much sex, even before the web site charge was discovered by your wife.
However, her withholding sex is no better solution to problems than your looking for it online.
Now, you’re seeking an easy out – either total forgiveness, or you leave.
Here’s what’s really needed, in order to give you both - and your children - the security that this is a family you can all count on to last: 1) Apologize to your wife for even thinking of turning elsewhere; 2) Acknowledge that there are problems in the marriage you both need to address; 3) Show willingness to get counselling together.
On a recent, packed flight, the child in her mother’s arms, seated behind me, kept kicking my chair. What could I have done to stop this?
If you can’t find an empty seat elsewhere, turn around, smile at the child, and express some understanding for the mothers’ discomfort, too. Then ask if the child can sit across Mommy’s lap for a while, to reduce the kicking.
If it doesn’t work, find your Zen zone.
I've been feeling paranoid about my girlfriend of four months. We're both 18, in our first year at university. She left for her university, while I stayed in our hometown for mine.
I love her and know she loves me, but when we chatted online recently, she said she’s been having problems and felt weird that I wasn't around for her. I couldn't visit her because I had my grandmother visiting at the time, but I’ll be able to start visiting next week.
She mentioned she had lots of guys asking her out and how many people were telling her to dump me. I feel paranoid that she’s cheating on me but I doubt it because she’s been hurt in the past by a cheating boyfriend.
However, university is usually the time when people "experiment."
So what should I do?
Visit her, but keep an open mind as to what she’s really saying. This isn’t about paranoia, but rather about reality.
From your own account, your girlfriend sounds needy and manipulative. This could be the result of the early pressures during her first time away at university… or, it’s a side you hadn’t seen before.
Certainly, it was a mean-spirited threat for her to pass on the alleged “advice” to dump you.
University is as much a time for learning to become selective in whom you choose as friends and partners, as it is to “experiment.”
I advise that you keep that in mind as you see how this long-distance relationship goes.
I’m 16, and at a party, some of my friends were passing dope. I felt very uncomfortable and left.
I don't know what to do if it happens again!
I'm a very healthy person, on several sports teams. Yet I feel like a social outcast because I refuse to do drugs.
My friends say it’s no worse than smoking or drinking but I have my doubts.
- Feeling Desperate
Stay with your good instincts that have drawn you to a healthy lifestyle and sports activities. These are interests that can bring you more lasting friendships, team fun and pride, and great opportunities for travel and adventure.
By contrast, trying to fit in to others’ dictates – whether drugs or anything else that makes you uncomfortable – is a path to dissatisfaction and low self-esteem.
Show these so-called friends that exercising good judgment to protect your own body is smarter than choosing between bad habits.
Tip of the day:
The “fatal” mistakes in a marriage are the ones from which you flee, rather than learn and work to improve.