I am the oldest of three sisters. We are all in our 20s, all living together in a house our parents own. They bought it years ago as an investment property and rented it out to various people over the years. A few months ago, several circumstances changed and the people who were living there needed to leave. At the same time, my sister was coming home from university, and my other sister had just broken up with her long-term boyfriend. So, we took the place over, with our parents’ blessing.
We girls get along incredibly well and obviously have lived together our whole lives. We were raised the same, so I’m quite shocked at some of the behaviours they are showing. The one who just broke up with her boyfriend has clearly forgotten how to do any chores; he must have done everything! She never takes out the garbage, turns on or empties the dishwasher, or flips her laundry. And the one who just got home from uni, leaves everything until “later.” As in, she’ll make food, eat it, but then leave her dishes “for later.” She’ll do them, but not right away, leaving a messy kitchen for everyone else.
The tension is rising and I need to do something before this situation blows up. I want to live with my sisters! I just need to make this work. Help!
Slovenly Sisters
Sounds like you three need a family meeting with a plan of action. And since you’re the one upset and writing to me, then you need to take charge. Not in a bossy older sister way, just in a someone’s got to do it way. And I strongly suggest you come with a plan – and snacks.
You all have strengths and weaknesses. Play up your strengths! And set some schedules. For example, everyone chooses a day that’s theirs for laundry. If your sister chooses Wednesday, then leaves her stuff in the wash, it’s her problem and not yours. When she runs out of socks and must rewash everything to get rid of that wet clothing smell, she’ll start to come around.
Tell your other sister that if she has time to cook and eat, she has time to clean up. If she doesn’t, all her dirty dishes will go in her room. Follow through once or twice and she’ll figure it out. (This isn’t something I would suggest as a parenting technique, but siblings have different rules of engagement).
I also suggest making a chore wheel, so everyone is responsible for keeping the house clean, neat and livable. Once you’ve lived together a few months, and you’ve settled into your routines, everyone can choose their chores (I’ll take laundry over bathrooms any day!), and the ones no one wants get divided up fairly on a rotating basis.
Why does my husband always take his phone into the washroom? I think it’s disgusting. The washroom is a place rife with bacteria. He’s on that phone for a long time – I’m sure longer than necessary – and then he comes out with his phone in hand. Gross!
Bacteria Bandit
Yes, I agree. Phones in the washroom are not healthy on so many levels. A study has shown a 46 per cent increased risk in developing haemorrhoids by people who spend more time than necessary on the toilet.
As well, the increased risk of bacteria, such as E. coli being transferred to your phone from your hands between wiping and washing.
Try to make it a household rule and lead by example for your children. No phones at the table, and no phones on the toilet.
FEEDBACK Regarding singled out (Jan. 16):
Reader – “I'm a retired workplace harassment investigator. The victim (Complainant) describes behaviour by the harasser (Respondent) that fits the definition of workplace harassment legislation in every province and territory in Canada as well as federally.
“The Complainant’s supervisor is required, by law, to report this to HR so they can conduct a proper investigation before imposing appropriate discipline. This must prevent the harassment from continuing and can include dismissal of the Respondent for cause.
“If the Complainant chooses to leave her employment because her complaint isn’t properly addressed, then she should see a labour lawyer (preferably before quitting) to seek adequate compensation for constructive dismissal.
“Workplace harassment and incivility are big problems, often motivated by racism and/or misogynist attitudes. Ignoring it often leads to a poisoned work environment for the victim and their coworkers, even those not directly harassed.
“No one should have to leave their employment because they’re being tormented by another worker, especially in situations where there’s a power imbalance.”