I cheated on my boyfriend of six months. I love him very much and I didn't mean to cheat; I was drunk and the guy came on to me. Should I tell my boyfriend?

Panicked in Philadelphia

Let's start with the most important "should's." 1) Do NOT get drunk when you're out on your own, if you want to keep the man you love, and know you lose self-control when you drink to excess. 2) Learn to drink in moderation... it's a lifetime benefit. 3) Practice other self-controls, as in: you don't have to respond to everyone who comes on to you.

Lastly, YES, tell your boyfriend about this incident. I don't always advise this. But since it happened with someone who might talk about it, and if others were around who might gossip about your behaviour, it's better for him to hear it from you... along with sincere and deep apologies.

He may be so angry he cuts contact for a bit. If so, keep apologizing and promising it'll never happen again. And prove it.

My boyfriend and I have dated for a year, and we were friends before that. This is the best relationship I've ever had. The past year was very difficult for me because my parents separated after 20 years of marriage. Through all this, he was caring and patient, taking care of all my needs.

Several weeks ago he went on vacation for seven days. Later, it was obvious how much he missed me. Although I missed him, I truly enjoyed my time apart from him, similar to how I was when I was single. I noticed a sudden change in myself when he returned. I became defensive and felt more competitive towards him. Rather than seeing ourselves as a team, I saw myself separately.

I feel it's all springing from my ego or my need for independence. Yet, I don't want to mistreat my boyfriend especially when he doesn't deserve it.

Ms Independent

It's about finding balance in your relationship with him, and with yourself. The time apart marked an internal watershed... you've needed him, leaned on him, and now you're able to handle many of your own needs again.

However, he may've become used to the "rescuer" role during your difficult time, so you need to discuss this change diplomatically. Drop the defensive mode, that's just plain unfair. Thank him for his help and advice, but remind him gently that he was attracted to you as an equal, not a dependent.

Relationships that thrive long-term respond to both parties' differing needs in tough times. You must be prepared to "take care of him" through future stress, as he's done for you. If you can't make this switch back to being a team, then you're not ready for the "give" as well as the "take" of a full-on relationship.

My cousin's wife keeps telling me about her affair. She suddenly started confiding "a secret" and I was too astonished to do anything but listen. I now hate myself for listening and hate what she's doing to my cousin! What should I do?

Sickened

Stop listening. But first urge her to tell her husband, or stop the affair. Since she may turn against you for this, consider writing a dated, sealed note to your cousin that suggests he look into the possibility of her having an affair but don't mail it unless his wife gets nasty with, or about, you.

There's a lady with whom I'd like to get romantically involved. However we live 90 minutes apart, so it's tough to get together during the week.

Also, I work two out of four weekends. On remaining weekends, I have some compelling interests, and she always has set plans like theater tickets and family-based holiday weekends.

She's coming off a long-term relationship and bad breakup. So she wants some time to herself. I'm not in a hurry either. One of her main complaints about "him" was lack of attention. I want to give her that attention and spend time together. How do we get around the time issue?

Frustrated 

If you both want time together, you'll find it. YOU give up some "interest" weekends or include her in them. She gives up some theatre tickets or you go to the theatre together. It's not hard; it just takes talking openly about this, and making gentle changes.