I’m female, 19, and work with a man who’s 25, who has a young child, but is single.
We started talking then used Snapchat, which led to risqué pictures being sent and more flirting.
We finally spent time together playing pool and darts. I realized I liked him.
The next day we went to a work party together. I felt awkward, so he encouraged me to drink Sangrias.
I drank about five and said I was starting to feel a bit tipsy. He decided we should leave and go play pool.
When drunk (which I regret as I’m underage) I get super touchy-feely and very flirty.
At the pool parlour, we had more mixed drinks. I weigh 110 pounds and was beyond drunk.
I was begging for his attention. We started making out, he touched my privates, told me to lie down… then I blacked out. I don’t remember anything that happened for I don't know how long.
I do remember waking up and saying we need to leave because I have school in the morning. I got home at 3am.
My vagina hurt really badly for several days so I had no idea if we had sex or not.
After several weeks, I finally asked him what happened and he said we’d kissed. I asked if we had sex, he said, No.
Then, he completely cut me off, wouldn't talk to me.
There was no reason for him to treat me that way; after a couple months I’ve gotten over it and started sticking up for myself.
Then he started calling me a bitch and other horrible names.
At that point, I was over it. I knew I could do better and he only wanted one thing from me and he mostly got it.
But now I think I love him.
I don’t stop thinking about him, I get jealous over girls he flirts with, I get nervous around him, and I’m desperate for his attention (which he won’t give me).
I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. What should I do?
Desperate Love Feelings
Even if you didn’t have full intercourse, you already know that this guy took advantage of you while you were drunk.
And then he turned against you.
You don’t “love” him. You’re trying to feel better about yourself.
You want to make the whole incident feel okay, by having him love you.
So you’re obsessing on him, to feel less guilty for getting drunk, though the serious and potentially criminal guilt is his.
He’s older, he knows you’re underage, he could see you were drinking way beyond control.
He’s the one who could be found guilty of sexual assault, if all these details are true.
You can still see your doctor or go to a clinic to learn if there was intercourse.
But either way, learn the important lessons from this, instead of hiding through a fantasy of having been with a “lover.”
You cannot handle alcohol. Until you learn what you can drink and control, alcohol is dangerous for you.
You’re vulnerable when you don’t set clear limits on what you can accept sexually, and when you’re unprepared to insist on safe sex should you decide that you’re willing.
This was/is a bad guy. Forgive yourself for the incident and stay away from him.
If a doctor says you experienced rape, consider going to the police. Being drunk does not mean yes.
I’m dating a girl whom I love more than anything. She's the first person to truly accept me.
I want to spend my life with her. But here's the catch: she doesn’t want ANY children, not even by adoption.
Ever since I was a little kid I dreamed of having children.
I'm only in my mid-20's so maybe this could change, but I thought I'd ask regardless.
Great hope for the future you want lies in your age. There’s no rush to make absolute decisions right now, and yes, attitudes may change.
You love this woman and want to hold onto her. But the issue of having children or not, CAN ultimately be a deal-breaker.
So listen to why she’s so adamantly against being a parent.
Her reasons – e.g. fear of the role, or actual dislike of children, etc. – can help you understand her better and also affect your feelings about her becoming your life-partner.
Tip of the day:
A relationship based on risks and control will always feel uncomfortable and scary. Know that you can do better.