My husband and I have been together for six years, and have one child together. I’d like a second child. It’s very important to me as I’m an only child - it gets lonely.
My husband prefers to party with his friends a lot and neglects his responsibilities as a father and husband. We are lower on his priority list.
I'll also find pictures of him on social media. I don't think he cheats but he definitely loves the attention.
Our married life revolves around him. It’s all about his career, his dreams. I feel completely neglected and left with our baby alone.
I feel like my husband just doesn't want to grow up and leave his adolescent years behind. But I'm torn, because having multiple children is very important to me. What should I do?
He Won’t Grow Up
You’re letting your feelings from childhood have too much sway on a decision you must make from adult logic and responsibility.
Having a second baby with a man who neglects both you and the child you already have, doesn’t make sense. Instead, it would deepen the loneliness that now exists in your adult life.
You need to talk directly to your husband, in order to decide your future and that of your family.
Detail for him just how much time he spends away from the baby and you, leaving you alone in this marriage.
Tell him what you want from him instead, and ask him if he can see himself being more attentive and responsible as both husband and father, or not.
His answer’s important, for you to decide if it’s the marriage you still want, or just that second child.
Being left alone with two children is not more satisfying than with only one.
I’m 19, in love with a guy whom my family hates. Even my speaking his name upsets them.
They’re also over-controlling, so I want to go live with my dad (my parents are divorced). However, if I go there so I can be free, and be with my boyfriend freely, my mother says I can forget about her side of the family because she’ll want nothing to do with me.
I’ve asked my cousins and friends what they think because they know my living conditions (helping around the house and always taking care of my siblings more than my mother does).
I can’t even study or do what I please because I need to help my mother.
My heart says to go to my dad’s but something keeps me here. I guess it’s my fear of losing my family.
Your heart isn’t one-sided – it’s attached to your family and cousins, your siblings whom you look after, as well as this boyfriend.
You believe that moving to your father means total freedom in your relationship with your boyfriend… but is that responsible parenting or just not paying attention?
Being “in love” at 19 is a thrill, so it’s natural that you want to be with him 24/7. Yet, what is that your mom and step-father dislike so much about him? You haven’t said, but it’s something you should be weighing into your decision.
You may eventually move to your father. Meantime, take some time to think through current realities, e.g. whether your mother (even if imperfect) is trying to protect you from getting too deeply involved too soon, and whether you’re ready to break away from your siblings and closest relatives.
My nine-year-old son has a close school friend. When the other boy’s parents asked if he could sleep over one Friday night, I naturally said Yes.
Next, I was asked if I’d drive him the next morning to another family’s home where he was to spend the weekend.
I’ve since learned that his parents regularly hand off their child so they can have frequent getaways. A few “regulars” among us parents keep getting asked.
The boy’s a good kid, never complains about his parents, just says his Mom’s “not feeling well,” or “they had to go somewhere.”
What should we do?
Uncomfortable Child Care
So long as the boy isn’t left alone, ill fed, or abused, and he attends school and shows no outward negative effects, there’s no definable “neglect” (despite the parents’ emotional distance).
Host him when possible and watch for any signals that he needs an official child-advocate to talk to his parents.
Tip of the day:
Don’t rush to have another child with the father who won’t grow up.