I've been married 14 years. We had a great relationship initially; our sex life was very good, but faded. Before marrying we saw a counsellor about our sex life, but it went nowhere.

Sex was "scheduled" once weekly. In ten years, she’s initiated only twice - when ready to have a baby. As soon as she decided she was pregnant, she completely lost interest again.

We have discussions every four to six months, when I get extremely frustrated at our lack of intimacy. She then complains about having more chores with the house and kids.

She’s right, because I travel for work and keep longer hours, providing the majority of finances. She’s a professional, working part-time for flexibility to pick up kids, make dinner, etc.

Ultimately, I promise to help more and she promises more intimacy.

Weeks later, I’ve done more and she hasn’t touched me – not even holding hands, or cuddling. If I try to hug her, she says it's not a good time.

I recently suggested counselling. She said it didn't work before.

We now have sex once a year when we go away for a weekend.

I’ve become more withdrawn because of her coldness. We lay in bed at opposite ends. I’m pretty sure she hasn’t had anyone else, and I haven’t had anyone.

I do love my wife and my kids. She’s a great mother and a good wife otherwise. I’m worried that we’ll end up, or already have, like her parents. They sleep in different rooms and fight more than any couple I know.

Is there any hope or have I simply become the father of her kids who’s cheaper to keep than divorce? I don't want it to be over.

Desperately at a Loss

You’re on the brink of a tough decision, which is evident from your now looking for some direction. Ten years of distance and rejection is a cold, lonely sentence… with more of the same ahead.

It’s time for a full-press effort for change. Talk about her parents’ loveless marriage and the likely affect that had on her as a child. Tell her that’s the model she’s helping create in your home together, for her kids, too.

Speak of your own part. Suggest you work fewer hours, so you can be a better partner. Perhaps she’ll work outside the home for stimulation in her profession, and a break from housebound routines.

All these changes and any changes are worth trying, or the massive change of divorce will be the one you’ll both face, sooner than later.

It’s my second month in high school and I really like this guy. He has a girlfriend but flirts with me a lot and it makes me feel special. But I don’t think I’m the only girl whom he makes feel this way.

I don’t want to ruin his relationship, and will stay out of it for now, but even if he weren’t dating anybody else, I’m worried that I’d get played. I don’t know why I’m so attracted to him.

Confused High-Schooler

You’ve got good instincts. You sense that he’s a charmer, which means, yes, you could get played by a guy like this. If he were your boyfriend… how’d you like his flirting with lots of others - as he does with you - and his making many girls feel “special?” Not so much.

Steer clear. You’re smart enough to sense that even the good looker who comes onto you can be more trouble than fun.

FEEDBACK Regarding the sister objecting to her widowed sister's relationship with a man whose wife has Alzheimer's (Nov. 5):

Reader – “I say, be thankful the man found someone to give and receive affection.

“The quote, "Unless you’ve walked in the other person’s shoes, you can’t understand,” applies to me and my experience.

“I’ve worn those shoes for ten years, my loved one is no longer with me.

“I wasn’t lucky enough to find someone to share my long, hard road.

“Be thankful your sister will be there for this man, because he’ll need her, it doesn't get better.

“They’re not hurting his wife who’s not aware of many things in her life.

“Help your sister to live with her own doubts. Don't add to them, it’s hard enough.”

Ellie – If this sister wants a continued sibling relationship, she can accept the situation without abandoning her personal principles about what she would do.