My husband of 15 years and I have two school-aged children.
I want our income to go to household expenses and kids activities. His priority’s fulfilling his hobby-based dreams.
Before having kids, my job could mostly support us. My husband's home-based business was rarely profitable and created large debt.
After parental leave, I did college upgrading and increased my income. However, a long-standing chronic illness worsened, I was forced to quit work, and accept long-term disability.
My husband became the bread-winner which he resents. He works longer hours, his income has grown, yet he’s frequently yelling and swearing about the constant demands on him for money. (Marriage counselling didn't help.)
He says, since I’m home "doing nothing," that I should work for him, which I have. I contribute my pension to household expenses. We make enough to live frugally.
But this year, he’s used half his (our?) income to finance an expensive hobby.
We get collection calls for utilities, credit cards, and a line of credit secured by our home plus his business. Still, he’s spent the money on his hobby.
I get no say in how the money’s spent so my motivation to work for him is gone.
He said I should "be nice" and finance more of his hobby with a future inheritance. (A previous inheritance went to pay off one of his significant business debts and home renovations.)
I'm thinking the next inheritance is my ticket out of this marriage, but I don't see any ongoing financial support from him.
Would you stay or go? Now, or wait?
So Fed Up
It’s your feelings and the circumstances that matter.
It seems there’s little love left here, only resentment on both sides.
But there’s shared family. Is there any mutual affection or intimacy?
Can you manage on just your pension, before the expected inheritance?
Also, search the law in your jurisdiction regarding your share of the marital assets and the debts.
Then consider your options for now, or later.
My husband and I own a large farm. A neighbour’s rented the land for over 20 years.
We’d always said we’d sell to him in time, as he’d been a good tenant and friend and helped us with farm repairs, etc.
Eventually, we visited real estate offices that understand local farm-related businesses to establish a fair price.
But the neighbour said it was too much money. He has plenty of money, but he was looking for a deal.
I’d ask him for over a year how much he was willing to pay. He’d never say.
Ultimately one young man made us a good solid offer.
We informed our neighbour/friend of this but he didn’t respond, so we sold to the young man.
Now our former friend’s so angry he won’t speak to us.
I feel awful about it.
We’d visited each other a lot, attended our kids’ weddings, etc.
How do I get past losing him as a friend?
Once it became a business matter only, friendship was no longer at the table. You wanted your value, he wanted a bargain.
You both had some reason on your side, but he played his hand badly when you gave him a last chance.
Let some time pass, then make a single, sincere attempt to re-connect.
Call or send a hand-written note saying you regret the loss of friendship and hope your two families can get past it.
If you don’t hear back, drop it.
It’s often said that business isn’t personal. But when it actually is, reconciliation is unlikely.
My former best friend and I had a small fling last summer.
Ever since that ended, we've grown farther apart and now haven't talked in weeks.
A year ago we’d talk every night. Now he feels like a complete stranger.
I still have feelings for him and can't move on for some reason. I might even be in love with him.
How do I make this horribly confusing situation better?
If you don’t talk about it, the “fling” remains the elephant between you. You’re both left with uncomfortable feelings – embarrassment, even guilt.
And you’re mistaking the short-lived emotional connection for “being in love.”
Reality check: Just having had some sex together doesn’t make “love” bloom, especially since you’re left with no idea what he’s thinking about the fling.
Speak up; he’s NOT a stranger. Tell him you feel awkward about what happened and want to know whether you’re still friends. Or not.
Tip of the day:
Don’t leave a marriage without thinking/planning beyond resentments.