I’ve known my fiancé for one year, we’re getting married soon. He’s attentive, loving and caring.

However, before he met me, he was in a relationship for five years which ended badly. They both had issues with each other and some family problems.

I’ve always known about that relationship. It’s just that recently all I can think about is that if he could break up with a girl after dating her for five years, what if he does the same with me??

He’s constantly assured me that's not going to happen, but I can't bring myself to believe him. I have no idea what to do with this feeling.

Pre-wedding Doubts

You’re not alone. Many brides and grooms have worries, doubts, “cold feet,” etc. as they approach that big day.

But you’ve had no reason from your fiancé’s behaviour to you, to expect him to repeat the same pattern in your completely different relationship.

They had issues. You two do not. He was younger then, they let their problems fester a long time.

The main assurance you need now, is that you and he communicate easily and early when there’s any major differences of opinions, on serious matters.

Not believing his assurances indicates some distrust. If you have no solid reason for that, just bridal nerves, it’s a self-defeating feeling to hold onto.

If it persists, talk to a counsellor.

My best friend and her boyfriend often ask me to hang out with them. I appreciate being included, but am increasingly uncomfortable with their constant public kissing and touching.

In a restaurant last night, filled mostly with families, they repeatedly deep-kissed (including face-licking) and grabbed at each other’s bodies.

We are all in our mid-20s.

I was sitting facing the couple and didn’t know where to look.

But two young girls (pre-teens), sitting at a nearby table with their parents, were watching them.

My friend’s also repeatedly taking selfies together, giggling and posing, while I’m left to just observe.

It’s boring, and I’m beginning to feel weirdly insulted, as if they only want me as a witness.

With all the kissing, stroking, and laughing, there’s not much real conversation.

I may be asked a question or two when we first meet up, but then the spotlight’s on them.

How do I tell my best friend that this isn’t fun for me, and yet stay close? I’m afraid that if I comment, she’ll think I’m just jealous.

Also, she’s so lost in this romance, there’ll be no chance to get together without him along.

Third Wheel

You’re right about their “spotlight” – it’s The Big Love Show: See how happy we are through our PDA’s.

Those public displays of affection are only charming when they come naturally, and occasionally.

Otherwise, they’re excluding of everyone else, which is why it’s curious why they always want an audience.

Self-absorption? Insecurity? Attention-seeking?

You’ve known your “best friend” previously, so you must have some idea of what drives her.

With sensitivity, tell her you’re very happy for her, appreciate their invitations to you, but feel they need more time on their own.

And, that you two need BFF time too.

Set up some things you two have done previously – something in an interest you two share, or a girls-only outing.

Hopefully, this phase of their hot passion-reveal will pass.

If not, you may need a more defined break from it, and even decide to explain why (though yes, she’ll likely think you’re jealous).

FEEDBACK Regarding the young woman who was an “Abused Granddaughter” who resented her mother for allowing it (June 20):

Reader – “The mother was likely abused and manipulated by the same woman.

“I’m familiar with an entire family that’s been bullied with sarcastic, demoralizing remarks by the grandmother.

“She’s vicious verbally, even striking the grandchildren when younger.

“After criticizing, belittling and provoking her own children, then their kids, she’s now started on a toddler grandchild.

“Learned behaviour has caused a continuation of hurtful remarks and physical violence in the family.

“The writer’s mother likely feared fallout if she tried to protect her children.

“Family friends now get up and leave if the grandmother starts her “fat” or “stupid” name-calling.”

Ellie – Anyone who witnesses or suspects physical, emotional, sexual abuse or neglect of a child must report it. This is the general law in Canada, and applies to mandatory reporters in the US. “Leaving” is not enough.