My girlfriend’s best friend is throwing a baby shower for us (she’s also the godmother).  

She accompanied us to register for the shower and bought the crib. We were extremely grateful because it was very expensive and we weren’t sure if anyone else could afford to buy it for us.

Now, my mom is upset because she wanted to buy the crib. She said it’s tradition that the grandparent gets first pick at the shower registry. For six months, she’d never mentioned wanting to buy the crib.

She’s also upset because she hasn’t been included in the shower’s planning.

I asked our friend if she could get something else instead (she hadn’t picked up the crib from the store yet). She refused, and thinks it’s very rude to ask this of her as she expressed wanting to buy the crib from the start. She’s hurt and angry with us.

We’re stuck in the middle and probably going to get two cribs.

- Between Two Angry Women

As new parents-to-be, it’s time to sharpen your antennae, find your compassion, and learn some problem-solving skills. You have a lifetime of parenting ahead in which you’ll need all these! 

On your mom: Include her, any way you can. Make sure some of her close people are invited, ask her to bring along her specialty dish, inquire about other “traditions” she hasn’t yet shared.

As for the crib, ask her to buy a baby bassinet, which is the first bed baby can use; it can be kept close to your bedside at first, for those nighttime feedings, then moved to the living space where mom and baby will mostly spend their time. (The crib stays in baby’s room until he/she moves into a child’s bed.)

On your friend: Apologize. She’s extended herself in time and expense, and you’ve reacted like clueless youngsters rather than worked out a reasonable compromise. Apologize again, and give her a hostess gift for arranging the shower.

Our daughter, a mid-20’s honours university student in her final year of a Masters’ program, has been dating her first love for four years. He’s in his early-30’s, has had eight jobs in this period, owns nothing, and works for a minimal wage. After working 8-to-4, he plays video games. 

I suspect he has some kind of attention deficit disorder.

She’s at university from 8 to 6, and spends the evenings doing research, doing crafting or something constructive. I just can’t get my head around her being the breadwinner and him sitting at home.

So many friends and relatives comment on their relationship. However, my wife and I haven’t been negative about this relationship with her, but I can’t see them being together forever.

What do I do?

- Dad

Keep your thoughts silent and your eyes open. Currently, this relationship works for her – he’s undemanding, doesn’t intrude on her studies or interests, and is unchallenging (in contrast to her courses and research). 

As your daughter emerges from school into the work world, other needs will surface and she may herself decide this guy is not her match. When you see signs of restlessness, ask simple questions… how are things going, is she happy, does she want to talk top you or anyone else…and the like.

The goal will be to get her thinking, not to criticize or do anything to push her into defending the guy and/or the relationship. In the end, she may still choose him. That’s her right.

After several dates for coffee or dinner, my Internet date suggested an evening away at a fancy hotel. He paid for a special steak dinner and lots of wine. We slept together but didn’t have sex, despite his urgings. I’m just not attracted to him.  

I’m 48, he’s 52 but seems much older and isn’t good-looking. I can’t change my feelings if not attracted.

I seem to have a difficult time finding a new relationship for this reason.

- Can’t Change

You don’t play fair. If you already have a fixed belief that there’s no chemistry, it’s unfair to take the steak and run. 

This man was as eager for a connection as you are, and put his money where his interests lay. You can’t know if he was after a lasting romance, or just a fling, but nevertheless, he deserved an honest response of Not Interested, when he invited you.