My daughter had a beautiful destination wedding recently; I planned air travel, hotel, car rental, insurance, activities, etc. for 50 guests. My husband and I happily paid 100% of the wedding. 

One of the couple’s female friends (age 40) came to the reception very drunk, was foul and abusive to her boyfriend, screaming obscenities, slapping him and trying to punch him in the face. It upset many guests, including young children. The woman apologized only to the bride and groom. For the rest of the holiday, she acted as if nothing had happened.

We’re hosting a formal reception here and I didn’t invite her. My son-in-law says I’m judging her, its enough that she apologized to them, but I believe she should’ve apologized to us, as her hosts.

To keep peace, I told him he can invite her. Your thoughts?

- West Coast in-Law

Bride and Groom are both wrong if they don’t mention to their rude friend that she owes you an apology for her ugly, drunken disturbance. They’re doing her no favour by not showing her there are social consequences to her obvious drinking problem – either no invitation, or insistence that she speak personally to you. 

Co-incidentally, I had personal experience with a similar situation three years ago, and the friend whom I insisted apologize to his host, hasn’t had another drink since.

I bumped into an acquaintance that works for a large cleaning company and she requested help in a job she was doing on the side. I initially refused, but she said she was desperate for cash. 

I argued against staying when I saw expensive furnishings to clean. She insisted we stay, and together we moved a wrought-iron table, I bumped it, and the glass top got chipped.

The private client charged her $250 for repairs and told her company; she was fired. She says I should pay.

What do I do?

- Miffed

Pay half. You participated in the job, she’s on hard times, and unless you’re more strapped for cash, paying your share is the right thing to do.

My boyfriend and I recently moved in together. 

He invited his co-workers over for a drink after work, including a woman he’d slept with before he met me (he didn’t know that I knew, and also that she’d pined over him for months).

Having her in our apartment bothered me greatly: I didn’t like her chatting up my boyfriend all night, looking through his things, never acknowledging this was my place too. When I later confessed being upset because I knew their history, he said it was a long time ago, reaffirmed that he loved me and was sorry for the way I felt.

Someone had made a comment about “the next time.”

Although he invited all his co-workers as a group, do I have a right to say I would prefer if she doesn’t return?

- Upset

You were open with him, he reassured you, but now you both know the impact of inviting this woman to your shared home. A repeat invitation would be asking for more tension for you, and possible annoyance from him, but excluding her alone would bring attention to their past. 

Find another way to “entertain.” Example: Invite a few co-workers at a time, with their spouses, for brunch, drinks, whatever; leave group get-togethers to meeting at a bar or restaurant.

While it’s common to invite the whole gang over once, to celebrate a “new home,” it’s unnecessary for him to provide the venue for co-workers’ relaxation.

My grandfather’s will allotted each grandchild a wooden horse statue from his longtime, proud collection. I chose a small statue of a brown thoroughbred. But I’m not big on horses and currently selling items to pay off bills.  

If I sell this statue am I a horrible and ungrateful grandchild? I kept a frame he made for my grandmother, items from his term in the US Army during WWII.

The horse isn’t my grandfather, but I can’t seem to get rid of it.

- Dutiful Granddaughter

There’s more horse sense in NOT selling it – the statue is a symbol of your grandfather’s life, which is a priceless memory. It can be given away to other relatives who’d care about it, and passed on again to the next generation. 

It’s not about the horse, but about telling Grandfather’s story - which is how families build their own history, and awareness of heritage.