I’m 31 now, and met her when I was 18; we dated for four years and loved each other deeply. 

I was gang-affiliated, and her whole family was a different gang. They didn’t know for the first two years, but her brother found out and kept it secret. Then one of his old acquaintances recognized me, and she was threatened with death. I had to let her go. Now, 13 years later and 700 miles apart, we still talk.

Recently, her sister was sick, and she came here (otherwise, her husband wouldn’t let her visit her family without him, they’re crazy). It was the first we saw each other again. We got together every morning and every night.

She has children, and won’t do anything to jeopardize them. We didn’t sleep together, didn’t even kiss. It’s love, not lust. And I respect her, too. But she didn’t tell her husband that she saw me.

She’s returning soon and wants to secretly spend a whole day with me while he’s with the kids here. I now feel guilty… and worried what can happen during a whole day. BUT, this could be the last time I ever see her.

We go together like two shoes in a box. Should I see her or not?

- Last Chance

Shoes don’t feel passion, nor responsibilities, nor weakness. You two do. You have a romantic Romeo and Juliet history, but remember, Shakespeare’s play ended badly for the couple.  

The only way this “friendship” can continue in person, is if she can tell her husband she wants him to meet her old friend, and bring him along for a lunch or outing together. Otherwise, you’re both flirting with danger. Keeping the secret would bring an atmosphere of risk, yearning and desperation to the day together, and that’s an explosive mix, emotionally.

Your love for each other is based on an interrupted connection… it has nothing to do with what she has in her marriage: Children, a home life built together, her husband’s trust.

The past is over; don’t tempt a turbulent future unless you’re both prepared for enormous upheaval.

At work, there was a guy who I hit it off with right away. We’d talk everyday after work on the phone but we only hung out occasionally because I had a boyfriend. Seven months into our friendship, he decided it shouldn’t continue. I still had a crush on him though. 

Three years later, I finally broke up with my boyfriend. My friend and I soon got intimate. But, we don’t talk all that much. We watch movies or eat dinner or fool around. When we’re out and have nothing to say we both just stare around.

I like him as a friend and more but I’m wondering why we have that awkwardness of nothing to say?

- Lost for Words

Previously, you both were attracted to the “unattainable,” but now that you have it, the connection isn’t much more than sexual. He may be uncomfortable about your long relationship with another guy. 

But if that’s not the case, the reality is you two haven’t much in common and this union likely won’t last.

What can one do at a dinner party when one guest dominates the conversation – e.g. about a house renovation?

- Bored

If others are interested, get up from the table and help out in the kitchen, or put on some music and suggest dancing.

My brother and I inherited the family farmland, 50/50 ownership. Although we receive cash rent, he doesn’t ever want to sell it, but pass it down to his two sons (city boys). I’m close to retirement and could use the money. 

He said that to buy me out would clean him out financially, yet he lives in a big house while I live in a one-bedroom condo (never married).

Legally, I could have the land partitioned and sell my half, but that would cause a rift in the family.

Should I just let it go?

- Unfair

Get more legal advice. There are possible compromises to consider: He and his sons could buy you out; or he could mortgage the farm to pay out your half; or you could receive all the cash rent until this settles, etc. 

Your being unmarried and without sons shouldn’t cost you this security for your future.