I’m a male, 27, with a huge fear of rejection, when it comes to approaching women. I never had a high school girlfriend or prom date.
I know women are just human and they live on planet earth just like me, but whenever I see a nice-looking woman, I get nervous. I think about the worst possibility, like she might be married, have a boyfriend, or give me a nasty attitude.
I’m going to be 30 in a few years and I’ll never get the woman I really want if I don’t get over this problem. The few women that I have been with have shown they were interested in me first, and I took it from there. But I never went out and got a woman on my own.
I know I need to man up, but need help.
- Fear of Rejection
Here’s the secret on rejection: EVERYONE hopes to avoid it. Yet every day people take risks with being friendly – smiling, chatting casually, etc. – because the rewards of getting to know someone outweigh the possibility of that someone turning away.
Another “rejection fact” – someone saying, “I’m involved,” is NOT a veto against you, it’s just a statement to explain why they can’t accept a date. Most women would still be flattered at your showing interest.
The good news is that you’ve already had some women respond positively to you, so it CAN happen again.
Instead of your seeing an approach to a woman as a test of your manliness, consider it no different than initially talking casually to a guy who might become a friend. You’ve made this first step with women loom too large in your mind. Just say, “hello,” and don’t have high expectations of instant rejection versus instant romance. Approach casually.
But if your fears still persist, see an individual therapist to learn why and what strategies can help overcome them.
I’m a woman who attracts other women to become too attached to me.
One friend has started to take on my habits: speech, style of dress, hairstyle, political views, etc. She’s even started frequenting the same spa!
Recently, she accused me of being more “secretive than usual” after I’d referred to someone unknown to her, as “a friend of mine.” I was merely being discreet.
She wants to know all of my friends, and attend all events with me. This is a non-sexual relationship.
She’s a nice person whom I admire and respect, and is fun to be with. I otherwise enjoy her company, but this is not the first time I’ve had this experience with female relationships.
Why do some women act this way toward me?
- Copied Girl
Imitation is said to be the highest form of flattery, but when it involves clinging and neediness, it can get spooky.
You clearly possess a strong personality and distinct style… you don’t have to soften that image, but you do have to recognize that it invites copying by those who think it’ll impress you or make them stand out, too.
Nip it in the bud as early as possible. Compliment friends on their own best features; let others sometimes choose where you’ll go together, without your making critical commentary or pushing your own preference.
Comfortable friendship has to be give and take. When a friend imitates you several times, point out that you like her for herself, and that the “mirror image” is neither cute nor comfy for you.
My boyfriend of four years, 26, and his brother, 29, live with their parents.
The brother chews with his mouth open, lifts his plate to his mouth, belches and picks his teeth, etc.
His father also chews loudly, open-mouthed.
His brother has no friends, and does nothing around the house, unlike my boyfriend who cooks and cleans.
His parents enable this rude mooch.
Should I tell my boyfriend I’m uncomfortable and refuse to visit their home?
There’s more to discuss than table manners - this brother is a family problem. If you stay together, he’ll become an irritant in your lives unless you talk it out now.
Ask why the parents let him “mooch,” how your boyfriend feels about it, and how he sees handling your not wanting to visit there (or have the guy visit your home or join you in a restaurant).
Discuss and compromise, or fight later.
Tip of the day:
When fear of rejection persistently blocks normal functioning, professional therapy may be necessary.